So This Is Me

Hi all, my name is Krystal and I’m new to this blog. I’ve known about this blog since Bobbie first starting posting on it. She told me about it and I checked it out. I found out quite a bit about my cuz that I didn’t know. Shocker. It’s true that we were never really close before we ended up with roles in the soap opera she calls Rebound, but we are family. Usually you hear things about what’s going on with everyone else. You didn’t really hear a lot about Bobbie though. We are from different branches of the family. My side is more vocal and I guess “ghetto”. Not me though, of course not.  Bobbie’s side is very conservative.

About me. I’m 25 years old. I work as a LPN at the hospital. I’m single, no children, living on my own. You would think things would be easy for me, but hell no. I find myself struggling alot and Bobbie has helped me out some, but she is having a hard time now too. I trying to make improvements to my life and going back to school is the first step for me. Bobbie has helped me there. She’s actually been really great to me and I’m thankful, but I need to grow up and do some things on my own.

I grew up in a very confused household. My parents were never married. My dad has not ever been a large part of my life. I do know who he is and he does know who I am, but we just don’t talk. My mom wasn’t a large part of my early years either. She had me young and had things that she wanted to do with her life and my grandmother took up the responsibility of raising me. She is the woman I call Momma. Most people believe that she is the woman who gave birth to me, but no she did not. In fact, she gave birth to my Uncle Joe three months before I was born.  Yep, my uncle and I are the same age.

Things were tight with money growing up and I wanted better than that when I finally became a grown up. That has not exactly happened yet. I’m not struggling so much that I’m begging for help, but things are hard. It’s my fault too. I think that since I’m not raising kids that I can spend my money on whatever I want. I can, but bills gotta be paid too. Shopping is just too addicting. I like going out with my girls too and you can’t always depend on guys to pay your way.

I’m dating, nothing serious yet. I do believe in true love, but not sure if it’s for me. I didn’t grow up around that. My Momma was a single mother. My mom was too when she got her act together, so is my aunt and majority of the women on my side of the family. I’m not used to having a good man in my life or around my family. Honestly, I don’t believe that they exist.  Just use them for what they are good for and let them move on cause they are going to anyway.

Bobbie tells me that this is wrong. Good men are out there, they are just hiding and you have to find them. She is on her little hunt now and tells me that I’m on my hunt as well. I don’t agree. I’m not looking for a man, I don’t think. Yes, I like male attention and enjoying spending time with them, but don’t think that married life is for me.

There is one man in my life that I find trustworthy, for the most part.  I’m gonna call him Hood, well everybody calls him Hood. He’s not your average hood boy, but likes to think that he is. He is also my best friend. We grew up together. He started out being friends with my Uncle Joe but I was always there that we became friends too. There has never been anything romantic between the two of us and I have never wanted there to be. He’s just a good guy that is there when I need him. And I’m there for him when he needs me, which is a lot. I’m the one who has to get these hos out his life when they get out of hand. But he my boy and I can do that.

That’s me, like my road sign says. Bobbie makes those by the way. Ty and I tell her what our posts are going to be about and she comes up with those little signs for us. I think they cute. She tends to go overboard with stuff though. Love her, but she gonna wear herself out. I think I’m gonna help her with that. The least I can do.

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Here’s Krystal!

 

This blog was intended as an outlet for Ty and myself. Ty was all excited about it in the preparation stage, but now that the blog is up and running she has gotten nervous about actually posting. She’s not running away, but she’s not as active as we intended.

Ty and I are the best of friends and we share everything with each other, but we are not the only people that we talk with. I don’t hide my problems from everyone, but I don’t make them public either. I have noticed that there are ladies everywhere that have similar issues to my own. It’s so easy talking to people who know exactly what you are going through or have a part in it in some way.

Krystal, our new author, is my cousin. We are a few years apart in age and we didn’t acutally know each other that well until about a year ago. True, we were aware of each other, we’re family, but other than family reunions we didn’t spend a lot of time together. And then something, no, someone happened. Krystal actually plays a big part in the play that was Rebound. It’s one hell of a story and we will tell it soon.

Krystal is different than Ty and I. She has never been in a serious relationship and for the most part enjoys being single. I can’t tell you much other than that. I’ll leave it for her to tell. Krystal has been making changes in her life as well and men play a big part.  Krystal is also an active blogger anyway and actually asked me if she could be a guest blogger. I’ve thought it over and decided to make her a permanent member of the blog. Yes, I talked it over with Ty and she agreed.

Krystal and I have gotten fairly close over this past year and actually have regular date on Thursday nights. She comes over and I make us some drinks. We usually vent about our week and tell about our weekend plans. I usually don’t have any, but she always does. Yeah, I get jealous sometimes.

So, without further ado, here’s krystal…

(I’m sure she’ll make a post soon. lol.)

Trust In Who?

There is so much that I still need to tell you guys just to get you caught up to the present. I’m always confused about what I want to tell you next. A year ago my life was fairly simple. I was miserable, but everything was constant. There were no changes in my life, just plain misery. Present day, I still have some miserable moments, but I also have all this drama to keep me preoccupied.

My relationship with my ex ended badly, but it needed to end. A problem that I have developed is my inability to trust people. I spent years with Daniel and all he did was lie to me. Now that we are over, that distrust has rubbed off on everyone else. Ty is the only person that I trust unconditionally. With everyone else, if you want me to believe you then proof has to be provided.

I’m a talker. I like talking to people and telling them what’s going on. I usually do this without giving any actual information on my private life. I like to keep my private business separate from the family and work aspects of my life. Conversations with men are sometimes difficult to me. When guys are telling my about themselves I always question what is true and what is false.

So far I have not been able to completely trust any of the men that I have gotten myself involved with. I have caught each of them in at least one lie, some minor and some not. The minor ones I can forgive, but if they are going to lie to me about something so insignificant, what else will they lie to me about?

Married men coming on to me does not help the situation either. Sometimes I feel as if someone is posting everywhere that I hook up with married men. I can’t remember the last time a man came onto me that wasn’t married. It is very discouraging. Yes, I have gotten myself involved with a couple of married guys, but nothing too extreme. And thinking about it, things might be over with them. I have not made the attempt to speak with either of them these past few days and they have not contacted me either. If you don’t care about me enough to at least call and tell me hi, then I don’t need your ass.

Today I was on FB just catching up on some of my friends and this man starts a chat with me. He is one of my friends on FB but I didn’t really know him. We just had a lot of mutual friends. I had a nice little conversation with him and we discussed going out for drinks when we were both in the same town. He comes here to visit family often. He was interesting enough and hell, free drinks.

We exchanged phone numbers and both logged off. I logged back on later and looked up his profile. I probably should’ve done that earlier while I was chatting with him in the first place, but I was distracted. I was trying to get some work done at the same time. So there I was looking at his profile and it doesn’t show his relationship status, but he had some great pics of him and his wife together in his photo albums. Had them labeled too.

I was not happy to find out about the marriage. It is so discouraging to know that men will so easily stray from their marriage like that. I had planned on getting married one day, but I don’t really see the point now. I may one day find the man I want to exchange vows with, but they aren’t going to mean a damn thing.

Yes, I know that I am messing with a married man, but I’m not the one married. I take vows seriously. I take promises seriously. If I was involved in a serious committed relationship I would be with no other man other than the man who has committed to be mine. I expect the same from my partner. Right now I have not committed myself to anyone and no one has committed themselves to me.

Looks like I’m going to be looking for a long time to find that man (who is actually available) I can trust with my heart.

Wasting My Time

I have decided to tell you guys a bit about Taken 1 since he has pissed me off tonight. Sometimes he’s just a great guy, but most of the time he’s an ass. So why the hell do I keep him around? The sex is pretty damn good, kinda hard to give up. His crap I could do without. But that could be partially my fault.

I met Taken 1 at work. I spend most of my days surrounded by lawyers and various court officers so when I saw him in the waiting room of the firm dressed up real nice in a suit I assumed he was just another lawyer. I was wrong. He wasn’t a client either. Taken 1 was the buddy of one of one of the new lawyers in the firm. They were going out to lunch together. Anyway, I was on my way  back into my office after a pretty tough family dispute meeting.

As usual I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going. I knew the way to my office and I just assume that everyone will move out my way. Well, on this particular day this ass didn’t move. I don’t remember the guy who ran into me at all, but Taken 1 picked up my things for me. We had a very pleasant conversation, but that was it.

A couple of days later while working in the office I get a phone call from Taken 1. I was working on a community project and needed sponsors to help fund it. It was something new that the firm wanted to taken on to look good in the community, but the firm didn’t want to fund the thing entirely on it’s own. Taken 1 is a financial advisor and he offered his firm as a sponsor. Very nice. Sometime during this process we exchanged cell phone numbers.

It started out as a little bit of harmless flirting. It was fun and he was so sweet. There was nothing sexual about it at all. But I started to like him and the conversations got a little more personal. Then it all came to an end. The event was over and there was no reason for us to be talking to each other.

Of course I didn’t forget about him. I waited a good month before I located him on FB. This was when I learned that he was married. Damn. I sent him a friend request anyway. I figured that I wouldn’t hear back from him. I was wrong. He messaged me by the next day. And we were back to flirting innocently on the phone. And then it became more.

He asked me once what I was expecting from him cause he was not trying to get into anything with anybody. At the time I wasn’t really looking for anything. I really liked talking to him. He was married and that made him off limits. So we agreed, we were buddies. So there it was football season and I wasn’t doing anything one night and neither was he so we decided to watch a game together. I’ll have you guys know that I am a serious football fan. I like basketball okay and baseball a little more than that. But football was some serious stuff.

There we were watching a good game and enjoying each other’s company. We talked a bit during the game and I was comfortable with him. I’m not sure when things started to change but at one point he was just sitting there staring at me. So I stopped and looked back. I asked him if something was wrong and we shared our first kiss. A very nice kiss. He’s a good kisser, a fantastic kisser.

So, there is thing about me. Once I’m in the mood I can’t get out of it. Hell, things got hot and heavy real quick. And then we were in my bedroom. All I can say is “Wow”. A little side note. Before my ex, my experience with sex wasn’t that great. Sex with my ex is pretty damn awesome. I hated loosing that, but turns out that sex with others is pretty darn good too. And sex with Taken 1 was fantastic.

Yes, I am disappointed that I would cross that line with a married man. There is no sugar coating any of it. I am wrong for what I am doing. I reason that I am not the one who is cheating, and technically I am not. I am not the one in a committed relationship. I am not the one who is married, he is. I also know that if he is so willing to cross this line with me, he is willing to cross it with someone else. So I distance myself from it. I know nothing of his wife and I ask no questions about her.  I don’t want to know. I will only torture myself with that information. I’m a horrible person, I know, but the sex is pretty damn fantastic.

So now I am a married man’s mistress. You watch tv and see how great these mistresses have it . I know that my ex treated his girl on the side pretty good too. She had most of his time and attention. I don’t get that with Taken 1. I don’t expect to have all his time and attention. I don’t want it. Like they say he’s a man who will cheat on his wife and he will always be the man who will cheat on his wife.

I didn’t need to be in a serious relationship with that. I didn’t want him as my man, but if we were going to be lovers he could at least give me a little attention. Make me want to be his lover. Men work hard to get the girl, but once they get her they don’t put the effort into it anymore. That does not work for me. If you can’t give me the attention I need I can’t give you mine. That’s fair.

The last time Taken 1 came over to my place it was simply a booty call. He failed to make conversation. He just came in got what he wanted an left. I’m sorry, but I don’t like being treated that way and I told him so. He had some making up to do. He actually attempted to make it up to me a bit, but he sucks at that. So I don’t hear from him for days at a time. That is not acceptable. He could at least say hi.

He has the nerve to get upset with me because I have not called him either. I was the last one to text him. He has yet to answer my question. Why would I text him if he was ignoring me. I’ve just been waiting. It usually takes him two days to break down and finally text me. I gave him a peice of my mind. He promised to make it up to me.

I have been tellingnhim that I could not meet with him. I didn’t have anything else going on, but I wanted him to know that I’m not going to just lay down and open my legs because he wants me to. If he wants to see me so badly, he’s going to have to prove it. So today I finally agree to see him. I made it clear that we would not be having sex at this visit. I kept both my kids with me today to assure that nothing happened. He agreed, said that he only wanted to see me, but he would need some loving from me soon.

He was a no show. Never even texted to let me know that he was not coming. I texted him to ask him if he changed his mind. He tells me yes and that something came up. Thanks for letting me know before hand so I wouldn’t waste my time waiting on him. I told him that I didn’t appreciate that and I have been ignoring him since. If you can’t make the time (10 seconds) to tell me that you couldn’t make it to see me then I can’t make the time to see you period.

I have been through this before with him already and I always take him back. It’s encouraging to me that he actually keeps coming back to me, but it bothers me that he continues to treat me this way. I’m obviously not playing this part of the game right. I need to redo my game plan. I should just drop him all together, but like I said, the sex is fantastic. I should walk away. I just can’t find the strength to do so right now, but I’ll be damned if a man is going to treat me like a piece of ass. Yes, I do know that maybe all that I am to them, but they are no more than a dick to me. But I am high class ass and should be treated accordingly if you want me to share my goodies with you. Gotta work on this game plan.

Bringing Sexy Back. Ha!

lol. Sexy is most definitely not me. It has never been. There is no bringing back of something that was never there. But I figured that I could at least pretend that I had it.

So, I’ve told you a bit about my bad relationship with my ex, the conversations with some guys online, and a hint of the disaster that was Rebound. Believe it or not, there is still a lot that I haven’t told you guys yet.

Around the time that I decided that I could no longer remain with my ex I started working on myself. I was not happy with myself and knew that I needed to start being happy with me. I changed my eating habits, I started working out and getting more active. I didn’t notice much change while I was still with the ex, but once he moved out the weight just seemed to fall off. I got new clothes to go with the new body. I got a great new haircut that I loved. I was wearing my hair short for the first time in my entire life. Oh, and I started wearing make up. With my complex skin color it was difficult finding the perfect match. But I did and I look decent. I’m pleased with myself. I hadn’t been able to say that in a long time.

So during the period of Rebound I got a bit lonely. Rebound wasn’t there for me majority of the time. I had Ty, sure, but I wanted some male companionship. I almost never saw him and he rarely called or texted. I should’ve known better than to get involved with someone who was already involved with someone else, but I got overwhelmed with his charm. For a while that was enough for me, but when he started to get distant (which was almost immediately) I started to get frustrated. I put up with a lot from him too, but I finally got out.

I got lonely waiting on Rebound and started my online conversations again. For the most part it was just harmless fun. I hated that guys just tried to start stuff with you so they could get you into bed. I’m sorry but “when I’m gonna hit that?” is not a conversation starter if you are actually trying to be serious. But I got to practice my flirting and my kick ass attitude. The conversations with the guys never lasted long. They would let you string them along for a little while, but if you weren’t going to put out and they figured this out, they were gone.

This is the period that my ABC boys came to be. There were a few who actually appeared to be serious and we had some great conversations. I was actually up to meeting a few of them, but I was not about to travel a great distance to meet a guy. It’s funny how the guys who are close to you won’t talk to you, but guys who lived hours away couldn’t leave you alone. But these guys that were serious maybes had names that began with C. All of them.

One of them caught my attention more than the others. Charmer was my favorite of the C’s. He was a single father of three. He divorced from him wife and fought for custody and won and was now raising the three of them on his own. I thought that was sexy as hell. He was also just the nicest guy. He was always there to talk to and actually worried about me and my kids. He never once pressured me about meeting him. Sex as never the main topic of any of our conversations. I really liked him.

I liked Charmer enough to meet him. I didn’t want him to come to my place or even my city, just incase he wasn’t what I expected. I definitely didn’t want to go to his place. So we decided on a halfway point. It was a nice enjoyable visit. Ty was even around for back up. There is more to the story, but I’ll save it for it’s own post. I didn’t want anything serious with Charmer, but I have kept him around. Like I said, he’s a real nice guy.

I had also gotten real serious into social networking, especially facebook. I enjoyed talking with people I hadn’t seen in a long time and even new people that I have never met before. I got a few ABC boys there as well. I’ve tried seeing guys from the other end of the alphabet but that has not worked out quite yet. It was through facebook that I saw Brad again. I decided not to give him a nickname because he has a fan club, mainly Ty. From that Team Brad was born.

Most importantly, not really, facebook brought an old flame back into my life. D or Punk Bitch as I may sometimes call him was the guy I was dating before I dated my ex. I actually broke things off with D to be with the ex. A big mistake as it turned out. D and I started with text messages to each other and then I learned that he actually lived in the same city as me. We met and he basically hooked me. It happened fast so naturally it is wrong. So much history between us. My fault in thinking that was a good thing.

And don’t let me forget Taken 1 and Taken 2. I’m sure that their code name tells the whole story there. Close enough anyway. Nothing serious can ever happen with either one of them, but I still can’t seem to let them go.

So those are the top players in this game of “Sexy Back”. Yes there are others. They come and go often. I’ve left myself open to the possibility that my top players may not be the one for me. In truth I know that they are not the one for me, but I enjoy talking to them and spending time with them. I enjoy play time with them as well, at least some of the time.  

I do not consider myself sexy, but with these guys I forget that. That’s probably a huge part of the reason that I continue to let them all stick around. They play with my emotions some, but I’m fairly sure that all men will play with my emotions. If they are going to do it to me I might as well return the favor. I’m sounding confident but I’m actually not quite there yet. I’m a simple girl looking for true love and I’ve determined that I’ll have to play the game until I meet the man who realizes that the game is bullshit. If I’m gonna play I might as well play to win.