Re-Evaluating Myself Part 1

I’ve had some great response to one of my previous posts. I got a couple from Kelli and they really made me think. You guys don’t know all the stories that make up my life yet, so I’m going to try to give you a few more details. Kelli has given me permission to use her comments to help me with this.
 
is Kelli Wright says:
Honestly, it amuses me that you will ignore him for treating you badly but you won’t give your fellow woman, the mans wife, the same respect. I’m not bashing you because I’ve had a tryst with a married man or two but what helped me to stop was being on the other side of the fence and realizing, how would I feel if some homewrecker came and did to me what I’m doing to these women.
On the flip side, great sex is great sex and like you reason, you’re not the one cheating, he is. I’d only say that you need to separate some of your feelings and play his game as his equal (in other words, think and act like a man). Don’t bring him around your children (BIG ASS NO NO) and when he doesn’t text and call, don’t express your feelings to him, just don’t call or text back for the same period he did to you. Drives em crazy. Good luck but if I’m reading between the lines, you have a heart and he’s gonna break it!
 
I’m not actually sure where to start, so I’m going to get to it. I’m mentioned my thoughts on Taken 1’s wife once already. I’m going to go into more details now. Yes, I do know that Taken 1 is married and he made that clear at the very beginning. It was actually a very weird conversation. He was explaining to me that he wasn’t looking for anything sexual with me just wanted to have someone to talk to. I thought that was what we were doing and I told him that. He seemed to be pleased with my answer and made a comment about he didn’t need no woman starting drama with his wife. My first hint that he has done this before.
 
I had no intentions of ever starting any type of drama, with his wife or anybody. I’ve got enough drama in my life already. I didn’t need to go out and get some more. And I told him so. Neither of us have mentioned his wife since. I do know his wife’s name and I know what she looks like. I want to be able to avoid her if we are ever at the same place at the same time.
 
I feel nothing when I think of her. I know that sounds bad, very bad, but it’s the truth. I never think about her on my own and Taken 1 never mentions her so I don’t think about her when we are together as well.  I do feel some guilt about the situation, but I don’t think about her at the same time. And the guilt is more like anger.
 
I get angry. I’m not really sure who I’m angry at. That’s not true, I’m mad at everybody. I’m mad at my self for being able to do this in the first place. I’m mad at Taken 1 for being just another untrustworthy man who thinks that this is okay. And I’m mad at all the other married men who have hit on me.
 
I know that sounds stupid, but it’s true. Things were great with Taken 1 when we were just friends chatting on the phone together and having lunch together every now and then. When things got sexual things changed. Yes, the sex was good, but is it really worth all this. Probably not.
 
I limit my contact with Taken 1 as much as I can. He has not been to my house since the last time we had sex. And he has never been around my children. My kids don’t even know he exist. Ah, no, not quite true. My daughter knows he exists because she is nosy and she read a text message from him once. It was a simple hello, but she does know that I have talked with him before. He will never meet my children.
 
Things have actually slowed down quite a bit since we started this thing that we got going on. We’re not quite at a complete halt. I’ll explain more in my next post. Kelli’s other comment is a bit more detailed and I hope to be able to tell this story better. I know things are all mixed up, but that’s actually how I think. I’m just a woman looking to be happy and getting disappointed day after day. Maybe one day…
 
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Wasting My Time

I have decided to tell you guys a bit about Taken 1 since he has pissed me off tonight. Sometimes he’s just a great guy, but most of the time he’s an ass. So why the hell do I keep him around? The sex is pretty damn good, kinda hard to give up. His crap I could do without. But that could be partially my fault.

I met Taken 1 at work. I spend most of my days surrounded by lawyers and various court officers so when I saw him in the waiting room of the firm dressed up real nice in a suit I assumed he was just another lawyer. I was wrong. He wasn’t a client either. Taken 1 was the buddy of one of one of the new lawyers in the firm. They were going out to lunch together. Anyway, I was on my way  back into my office after a pretty tough family dispute meeting.

As usual I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going. I knew the way to my office and I just assume that everyone will move out my way. Well, on this particular day this ass didn’t move. I don’t remember the guy who ran into me at all, but Taken 1 picked up my things for me. We had a very pleasant conversation, but that was it.

A couple of days later while working in the office I get a phone call from Taken 1. I was working on a community project and needed sponsors to help fund it. It was something new that the firm wanted to taken on to look good in the community, but the firm didn’t want to fund the thing entirely on it’s own. Taken 1 is a financial advisor and he offered his firm as a sponsor. Very nice. Sometime during this process we exchanged cell phone numbers.

It started out as a little bit of harmless flirting. It was fun and he was so sweet. There was nothing sexual about it at all. But I started to like him and the conversations got a little more personal. Then it all came to an end. The event was over and there was no reason for us to be talking to each other.

Of course I didn’t forget about him. I waited a good month before I located him on FB. This was when I learned that he was married. Damn. I sent him a friend request anyway. I figured that I wouldn’t hear back from him. I was wrong. He messaged me by the next day. And we were back to flirting innocently on the phone. And then it became more.

He asked me once what I was expecting from him cause he was not trying to get into anything with anybody. At the time I wasn’t really looking for anything. I really liked talking to him. He was married and that made him off limits. So we agreed, we were buddies. So there it was football season and I wasn’t doing anything one night and neither was he so we decided to watch a game together. I’ll have you guys know that I am a serious football fan. I like basketball okay and baseball a little more than that. But football was some serious stuff.

There we were watching a good game and enjoying each other’s company. We talked a bit during the game and I was comfortable with him. I’m not sure when things started to change but at one point he was just sitting there staring at me. So I stopped and looked back. I asked him if something was wrong and we shared our first kiss. A very nice kiss. He’s a good kisser, a fantastic kisser.

So, there is thing about me. Once I’m in the mood I can’t get out of it. Hell, things got hot and heavy real quick. And then we were in my bedroom. All I can say is “Wow”. A little side note. Before my ex, my experience with sex wasn’t that great. Sex with my ex is pretty damn awesome. I hated loosing that, but turns out that sex with others is pretty darn good too. And sex with Taken 1 was fantastic.

Yes, I am disappointed that I would cross that line with a married man. There is no sugar coating any of it. I am wrong for what I am doing. I reason that I am not the one who is cheating, and technically I am not. I am not the one in a committed relationship. I am not the one who is married, he is. I also know that if he is so willing to cross this line with me, he is willing to cross it with someone else. So I distance myself from it. I know nothing of his wife and I ask no questions about her.  I don’t want to know. I will only torture myself with that information. I’m a horrible person, I know, but the sex is pretty damn fantastic.

So now I am a married man’s mistress. You watch tv and see how great these mistresses have it . I know that my ex treated his girl on the side pretty good too. She had most of his time and attention. I don’t get that with Taken 1. I don’t expect to have all his time and attention. I don’t want it. Like they say he’s a man who will cheat on his wife and he will always be the man who will cheat on his wife.

I didn’t need to be in a serious relationship with that. I didn’t want him as my man, but if we were going to be lovers he could at least give me a little attention. Make me want to be his lover. Men work hard to get the girl, but once they get her they don’t put the effort into it anymore. That does not work for me. If you can’t give me the attention I need I can’t give you mine. That’s fair.

The last time Taken 1 came over to my place it was simply a booty call. He failed to make conversation. He just came in got what he wanted an left. I’m sorry, but I don’t like being treated that way and I told him so. He had some making up to do. He actually attempted to make it up to me a bit, but he sucks at that. So I don’t hear from him for days at a time. That is not acceptable. He could at least say hi.

He has the nerve to get upset with me because I have not called him either. I was the last one to text him. He has yet to answer my question. Why would I text him if he was ignoring me. I’ve just been waiting. It usually takes him two days to break down and finally text me. I gave him a peice of my mind. He promised to make it up to me.

I have been tellingnhim that I could not meet with him. I didn’t have anything else going on, but I wanted him to know that I’m not going to just lay down and open my legs because he wants me to. If he wants to see me so badly, he’s going to have to prove it. So today I finally agree to see him. I made it clear that we would not be having sex at this visit. I kept both my kids with me today to assure that nothing happened. He agreed, said that he only wanted to see me, but he would need some loving from me soon.

He was a no show. Never even texted to let me know that he was not coming. I texted him to ask him if he changed his mind. He tells me yes and that something came up. Thanks for letting me know before hand so I wouldn’t waste my time waiting on him. I told him that I didn’t appreciate that and I have been ignoring him since. If you can’t make the time (10 seconds) to tell me that you couldn’t make it to see me then I can’t make the time to see you period.

I have been through this before with him already and I always take him back. It’s encouraging to me that he actually keeps coming back to me, but it bothers me that he continues to treat me this way. I’m obviously not playing this part of the game right. I need to redo my game plan. I should just drop him all together, but like I said, the sex is fantastic. I should walk away. I just can’t find the strength to do so right now, but I’ll be damned if a man is going to treat me like a piece of ass. Yes, I do know that maybe all that I am to them, but they are no more than a dick to me. But I am high class ass and should be treated accordingly if you want me to share my goodies with you. Gotta work on this game plan.

She Got My Back

 

Both those statements represent Ty and I well. We actually are that close. lol. No, neither of us has yelled out “I love you” in a crowded hall, but if I felt that Ty was having a bad day and needed to hear it, I would. I also know that she would do the same. We are there for each other. That we can count on.

In this entry I’m going to tell you guys a little about our friendship. Ty hasn’t gotten around to making a blog post yet so I’m using this post to introduce her a little. I’m fairly sure that I know Ty well enough that I could make a post on her behalf, but that would probably piss her off. She’s a grown woman and she can speak for herself.

We are both in our early thirties. Actually I won’t be 30 until next month, but I figure that it’s close enough that I can claim it. Ty is a couple of years older than me although there are times when she acts much older than that. (She’ll probably kill me for making that statement, but it’s true.)

I am a biracial female with an asian mother and a black father. Ty calls me blasian for short. Ty is a very down to earth white girl who got soul. She likes to joke that she is blacker than I am and it some cases that may very well be true. I mean look at her name, Tywanda, where the hell did that come from? Of course my name is no better. Bobbie Jo isn’t my real name it’s actually more complicated and I rarely use it. My dad started calling me Bobbie Jo when I was a baby and the name has stuck.

I am not saying that Ty is a white girl trying to be black. If you knew her you would now that this is not the case. And I am not a black girl trying to be white. I am who I am and don’t feel that I need to validate myself to anyone. So this is an inside joke between us. It may come up a few times during our postings. But I am not your stereotypical black girl, but in my experience few black women are. Life is not as you see it in a movie or a tv show (although there are times that my life can be classified as a soap opera).

I’ve already posted a bit about my relationship history. Never married (thank goodness) with two children, a daughter and a son. Ty has been married for about 11 years now, I think, and she has a young daughter. We both love being mothers and will do anything for our children, even stay in a bad relationship. I am currently single and trying to figure out this dating thing. Ty is in the process of re-evaluating her marriage. She may call it something different, but I’ll leave it to her to tell you.

We are both fairly successful women, at least in regards to our careers. We both work in the legal industry, but neither of us are lawyers. Ty may one day become one. She is in school working on that now. We work for different agencies/firms but are located in the same building different floors. We visit each other often, but not too often. We do have work to do.

We spend a lot of time together, if not in person via technology. Our children spend a lot of time together as well. We keep each other up to date on the goings on of our love lives, if you want to call it that. We go through a personal crisis at least once a week. So let’s say I’m just enjoying a day out with a possible love interest and Ty calls. I answer the phone. She’s fairly up to date on my plans and would not call unless it was an emergency. Please note that our emergencies may not be considered an emergency by others. If Ty says that she needs me then the date is over, plain and simple. We don’t cry emergency unless we mean it.

Guys have gotten upset about our friendship. If they can’t get over it then they aren’t the one for me. How can someone expect me to turn my back on the one person I know will be there for me when I need them? We’re just friends boys, not competition.

Yes, there have been times that we have had to clarify that we were not lesbians. I’m sure that this is true for many best friends. We are not touchy feely. Actually we rarely have reason to touch each other. I’m not a hugger, except with a man, and neither is she. I held her hand once, and that was while she was getting a tattoo. I’ve had no desire to hold her hand again. No offense, Ty.

Threesomes are a Hell No. If you are part of my life in any way you know that Ty is my bff. But when it comes to the bedroom activities she will never be a part of that. In the past 8 months I have had at least 4 guys ask me if I was into threesomes. No, I am not. And the next questions would be “What if it was with Ty?” No, hell no.

So in a nutshell that is our friendship. Truly the best of friends and nothing more. When you find that special someone you can talk to about anything you don’t let them go. Now, if I could just get a similar bond with a man and some serious physical/sexual attraction thrown in, I would be good.