We Be Family

I’m just going through life, minding my own business when I get a message on my Facebook account from my cousin. At that time Bobbie and I didn’t really know each other. I remember seeing her at the hospital a few months back and we caught up with each other a bit. We didn’t even exchange phone numbers or anything, just polite conversation.

When I got the message I thought that maybe she sent it to the wrong person. It was just a short one, “I need to talk to you about something. Call Me.” She left her phone number. I called her and she asked me if I knew Rebound. Yeah, I did. I asked her why? She didn’t tell me. She wanted to know if we were dating. No, we weren’t. Not yet. He had been chasing me for a little while, but I was still playing hard to get. I was interested, oh yeah, but he had other female issues that I wasn’t comfortable with.

I told Bobbie that I was not dating him. Once again I asked why. She told me. They had been dating, but weren’t anymore. He was a good for nothing SOB that stole her laptop. Oh, wow. I wasn’t expecting that. Damn. That shit was uncool. This ass was actually trying to get with me while he was with my cuz. What the fuck? Oh hell no. That was not going to work for me.

I told Bobbie what was going on, which wasn’t much of anything. I had just gotten back a couple of days before from taking him to Atlanta. That was how she figured it out. She was just going through her friends on FB and noticed my recent posts. They matched up to things that she knew was going on with Rebound. Hell, my last post was “In ATL with the babe. Spending some quality time before he goes off to Vegas.”

I knew something wasn’t quite right about Rebound. He told me that he was no longer with the crazy girl, but he wasn’t clear about where he was staying with me. I thought that maybe he was still with her, but I was wrong. Bobbie set me straight on that. That SOB was one hell of a liar, but not a good one according to cuz.

I had gotten my hopes up. He told me that he was working at a law firm as a paralegal and making decent money. He had a nice car and a nice place. All lies. He stayed in a nice house, but it was Bobbie’s house, not his. He had a car, but it was a piece of shit. Hell, I drove us around more than he did. I even knew where my cousin lived because I had dropped him off there one night when we had went out to play pool. I was starting to fall hard for him and he was just another good for nothing lying jackass.

Hearing all this from Bobbie was a bit of a shock. She always seems so cool and in charge and her life is perfect, but that was wrong too. She told me about Daniel and then some more about Rebound. She’s just a woman, like me, and she had been taken advantage of. I hate that. Bobbie is good people, more importantly, she’s family.

Bobbie told me that she wasn’t trying to keep me from seeing Rebound. I could see who ever I wanted to, but she wanted me to be cautious. He has proven not to be trustworthy and she didn’t want me to let him get too close and have him take all my shit. Oh no, Cuzzo. This punk ass man has messed with the wrong family. I was going to keep talking to him and let him think that I was eagerly waiting for him to come back home. Once he got back to town I was going to get cuz back her laptop. I was also thinking that I would get Hood and his boys to beat the shit out of him. Yeah, that sounded like a plan.

Bobbie told me that she did not think that Rebound was coming back. I thought that he was. Every time I spoke with him he talked about what he was going to do when he got back. I was still certain that he was going to return after his one week trip turned into a two month trip. He never once said that he was going to stay in Vegas. He was having some money trouble, which I’m certain was true, and he just needed to get up the cost for a plane ticket or at least gas money. He was planning on buying a car and just driving it back. (I know, that makes no sense, but that’s what he said.) Bobbie thought that he was trying to get me to play for a plane ticket. She had done that for him once before. I didn’t have no money to be buying his ass a ticket. I wouldn’t have done it even if I did have the cash.

A couple of weeks into his trip he started calling Bobbie again. He was giving her those “Baby I love you and I can’t wait for us to be together” stories. She called me the second she got the first text from him. We agreed that she would pretend to miss him and want him back. He was either going to her or me first when he got back into town. We were just trying to get that laptop back. Bobbie kept their conversations to a minimum cause they made her sick to her stomach.

It was funny. He would text her and she would forward me the messages and I would do the same. He would lie and lie and we knew about it. He was a damn fool. We had to be careful about what we said to him. We couldn’t let it slip that we knew he was full of shit. We both dropped hints every now and then about family. lol. Bobbie told him that they could have a cook out when he got back. It could be a party. She had a cousin that she wanted him to meet.

We both got tired of playing along with him waiting for him to come back. Bobbie said that she couldn’t pretend to be nice to him anymore. It was making her physically ill. She could do without her laptop. She would rather never see him again. Ok, I could go for that. But he made it clear to us both that he was coming back. He wouldn’t give either one of us a date, but he was going to be back. He tried to get Bobbie to buy him a plane ticket, but she refused. Told him that if he woulda paid her back for the last ticket like he was supposed to then she woulda had the money for a ticket, but he didn’t pay her back and she was broke.

Bobbie tried her best to hold out until he got back, but she finally reached her breaking point. She made it clear that she was still upset with him and didn’t think that she could just jump right back into a relationship with him. He still denied taking the laptop. I know for a fact that he has it because he let me use it when we went to Atlanta. Anyway, he told her that he understood and that they could take things slow. She let him know that he did not have a place in her house and that’s when he started to lay it on thick. He was in love and wanted to marry her as soon as he got home. She listened to that BS without bursting into laughter.

While he was proposing to my cuz over the phone he was professing his love to me as well. His lease was just about up on his place and it would be a great time for us to move in together. We were meant to be together. I countered with the fact that my lease was just about up too and I would just rather we stayed at his place since it was so much bigger than mine. He didn’t like that, but couldn’t explain why he would want to stay at my small apartment when he had such a big house.

Bobbie got fed up and she didn’t want to play games with him anymore. It was time to end it. She could just get her a new laptop when she had the money. She already had an older one at home that still worked fine. The laptop that Rebound took was actually one of those netbooks. She loved that little thing and hated to let it go, but letting it go was preferrable to possibly being in the same room with Rebound again.

It was time for the two of us to end things with Rebound. Just calling him up and telling him wasn’t good enough. We wanted to make him sweat. And that’s exactly what we did. Good times, oh yes. Check back for the rest of the story.

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So This Is Me

Hi all, my name is Krystal and I’m new to this blog. I’ve known about this blog since Bobbie first starting posting on it. She told me about it and I checked it out. I found out quite a bit about my cuz that I didn’t know. Shocker. It’s true that we were never really close before we ended up with roles in the soap opera she calls Rebound, but we are family. Usually you hear things about what’s going on with everyone else. You didn’t really hear a lot about Bobbie though. We are from different branches of the family. My side is more vocal and I guess “ghetto”. Not me though, of course not.  Bobbie’s side is very conservative.

About me. I’m 25 years old. I work as a LPN at the hospital. I’m single, no children, living on my own. You would think things would be easy for me, but hell no. I find myself struggling alot and Bobbie has helped me out some, but she is having a hard time now too. I trying to make improvements to my life and going back to school is the first step for me. Bobbie has helped me there. She’s actually been really great to me and I’m thankful, but I need to grow up and do some things on my own.

I grew up in a very confused household. My parents were never married. My dad has not ever been a large part of my life. I do know who he is and he does know who I am, but we just don’t talk. My mom wasn’t a large part of my early years either. She had me young and had things that she wanted to do with her life and my grandmother took up the responsibility of raising me. She is the woman I call Momma. Most people believe that she is the woman who gave birth to me, but no she did not. In fact, she gave birth to my Uncle Joe three months before I was born.  Yep, my uncle and I are the same age.

Things were tight with money growing up and I wanted better than that when I finally became a grown up. That has not exactly happened yet. I’m not struggling so much that I’m begging for help, but things are hard. It’s my fault too. I think that since I’m not raising kids that I can spend my money on whatever I want. I can, but bills gotta be paid too. Shopping is just too addicting. I like going out with my girls too and you can’t always depend on guys to pay your way.

I’m dating, nothing serious yet. I do believe in true love, but not sure if it’s for me. I didn’t grow up around that. My Momma was a single mother. My mom was too when she got her act together, so is my aunt and majority of the women on my side of the family. I’m not used to having a good man in my life or around my family. Honestly, I don’t believe that they exist.  Just use them for what they are good for and let them move on cause they are going to anyway.

Bobbie tells me that this is wrong. Good men are out there, they are just hiding and you have to find them. She is on her little hunt now and tells me that I’m on my hunt as well. I don’t agree. I’m not looking for a man, I don’t think. Yes, I like male attention and enjoying spending time with them, but don’t think that married life is for me.

There is one man in my life that I find trustworthy, for the most part.  I’m gonna call him Hood, well everybody calls him Hood. He’s not your average hood boy, but likes to think that he is. He is also my best friend. We grew up together. He started out being friends with my Uncle Joe but I was always there that we became friends too. There has never been anything romantic between the two of us and I have never wanted there to be. He’s just a good guy that is there when I need him. And I’m there for him when he needs me, which is a lot. I’m the one who has to get these hos out his life when they get out of hand. But he my boy and I can do that.

That’s me, like my road sign says. Bobbie makes those by the way. Ty and I tell her what our posts are going to be about and she comes up with those little signs for us. I think they cute. She tends to go overboard with stuff though. Love her, but she gonna wear herself out. I think I’m gonna help her with that. The least I can do.

Re-Evaluating Myself Part 2

Okay. This is Kelli’s second comment and I’m going to try to respond to the best of my ability.

is Kelli Wright says:

You don’t feel you’re emotionally attached but I’m going 2 give you 2 big red flags that you will eventually become attached:

1. “He asked me once what I was expecting from him cause he was not trying to get into anything with anybody. At the time I wasn’t really looking for anything. I really liked talking to him”

*You state that “at that time” you weren’t looking for anything…what about now? Your use of past tense makes me feel like you’re saying “but now I’m ready for something more concrete” Maybe not with him but he is there and sex is involved which in most cases causes feeling in th woman.

2. “I know nothing of his wife and I ask no questions about her. I don’t want to know. I will only torture myself with that information.”

*If you truly were just having a sexual liason, as many homewreckers will tell you, you often discuss the wife. You become an outlet for whatever frustration he has with her and you’re okay with that reality. The fact that you refuse to face the reality by saying over and over that you don’t want to “personalize” it is actually personalizing it for you more. Without realizing it, you’re allowing your mind to see him as a single man instead of facing the reality that this is strictly a booty call situation.

3. I didn’t have anything else going on, but I wanted him to know that I’m not going to just lay down and open my legs because he wants me to. If he wants to see me so badly, he’s going to have to prove it.

*What do you mean ur not goin to lay down and open ur legs? That’s exactly what you’re doing! The whole point of being sexual buddies is to provide sexual relief, on ur back when he needs it. You cannot be concerned with communication and the “nicities” of normal relationships when you profess you feel nothing for him. You show several times through your post that you don’t want to be treated like a piece of meat and want a man to have “personal” convos with, yet, you claim this will never go farther than sexual?

*I believe you are becoming emotionally invested in this man. All situation are complicated but I assure you it’s often us as women, who complicate them. If you truly want a sex only situation, then you need to say everytime you look at him, “he is married and off limits and here for sex.” If you can’t face that…then you’re setting yourself up for failure…plus, you’ve also admitted it’s hard to call off…which means investment…lol.

I feel like you’re my friend, that’s why I typed this thesis statement. Men always play games and hurt vulnerable women so the key is to not be vulnerable!

When I said at the time I was talking about starting something physical. He said from the start that it never was going to be and I wasn’t expecting it to be. I can be just friends with a man. I’ve done it before, more than once. But it did get physical. And that was wrong.

I’ve already mentioned that I don’t think about the wife. I don’t think there is anything more I can say about that. He only mentioned her that one time and hasn’t brought her up since. It would feel weird for me to bring her up. And I really just don’t want to know. It’s bad enough that this has happened in the first place.

I know that I may make it sound as if I am having sex with Taken 1 all the time, but that’s not the case. If I feel the need to have sex I never think to call him. He’s married, I know that he may be with his wife and I just don’t want to deal with that. He is her husband and I’m not about to pull him away from her. I know that sounds weird, but hell, it’s true. The fact that he is married really bothers me. I can’t stand that he is just another selfish, disappointing man.

Taken 1 and I have had sex a total of two times. And both of those times were within days of each other. It never should’ve happened in the first place. True I’m disappointed in myself, but I get disappointed with myself a lot lately. And yes, I get upset with Taken 1 a lot too. I liked it when we could just talk to each other. When we started to have sex it was different. He didn’t want to just talk to me anymore. Whenever he called or texted it was about when he would see me again. I gave him a chance to just see me and he didn’t show.

I lied to him about my children being home. If he actually took the time to just talk with me he would know that things are different with my kids during the summer. My kids are always gone on the weekends. They are either visiting their dad or their grandparents. They have a very active summer. I guess I was testing him and he failed. Well, not fail, he just did exactly what I expected him to do. I’ve always thought of our situation as friends with benefits but he showed me that we were just fuck buddies and sorry I’m not in the mood for that.

Right now we’re to the point that we barely talk to each other at all. I won’t call him or text him. He’ll get tired of waiting on me to every couple of days or so and text me hi. My response is hi and nothing else. I will not start a conversation with him and he does not start of either. I’m waiting on him to get fed up with it. He may already be at that point. I’m through with the entire situation. I just haven’t gotten around to telling him. I haven’t been in the mood to talk to him. I know I need to tell him, but a part of me is waiting on him to act the way I want him too. That’s not going to happen. Oh well.

Taken 1 is not the man I want. The man I want I call Punk Bitch. He pisses me off so much, but I just can’t forget about him. We have a lot of history together. We dated a bit back in college, but I ended the relationship to get with my ex. Big mistake and he can’t forget it. I don’t think that it’s going to work out between us, but I’m still hopeful. Pathetic, I know. But I do pathetic so well.

 I intended this to be a long post and to go on and on but all that was unnecessary and I’m really tired. Writing this blog has been like therapy to me. I get to express my feeling and having your feed back has been eye-opening. Here it is Saturday night and me with not date or plans and I’m okay with that. Normally this would depress me and I may weaken enough to call Taken 1, but right now I’m just happy to be able to get a good night’s sleep. Being alone is okay and I finally believe that. Hope this lasts. Thanks everybody.

Re-Evaluating Myself Part 1

I’ve had some great response to one of my previous posts. I got a couple from Kelli and they really made me think. You guys don’t know all the stories that make up my life yet, so I’m going to try to give you a few more details. Kelli has given me permission to use her comments to help me with this.
 
is Kelli Wright says:
Honestly, it amuses me that you will ignore him for treating you badly but you won’t give your fellow woman, the mans wife, the same respect. I’m not bashing you because I’ve had a tryst with a married man or two but what helped me to stop was being on the other side of the fence and realizing, how would I feel if some homewrecker came and did to me what I’m doing to these women.
On the flip side, great sex is great sex and like you reason, you’re not the one cheating, he is. I’d only say that you need to separate some of your feelings and play his game as his equal (in other words, think and act like a man). Don’t bring him around your children (BIG ASS NO NO) and when he doesn’t text and call, don’t express your feelings to him, just don’t call or text back for the same period he did to you. Drives em crazy. Good luck but if I’m reading between the lines, you have a heart and he’s gonna break it!
 
I’m not actually sure where to start, so I’m going to get to it. I’m mentioned my thoughts on Taken 1’s wife once already. I’m going to go into more details now. Yes, I do know that Taken 1 is married and he made that clear at the very beginning. It was actually a very weird conversation. He was explaining to me that he wasn’t looking for anything sexual with me just wanted to have someone to talk to. I thought that was what we were doing and I told him that. He seemed to be pleased with my answer and made a comment about he didn’t need no woman starting drama with his wife. My first hint that he has done this before.
 
I had no intentions of ever starting any type of drama, with his wife or anybody. I’ve got enough drama in my life already. I didn’t need to go out and get some more. And I told him so. Neither of us have mentioned his wife since. I do know his wife’s name and I know what she looks like. I want to be able to avoid her if we are ever at the same place at the same time.
 
I feel nothing when I think of her. I know that sounds bad, very bad, but it’s the truth. I never think about her on my own and Taken 1 never mentions her so I don’t think about her when we are together as well.  I do feel some guilt about the situation, but I don’t think about her at the same time. And the guilt is more like anger.
 
I get angry. I’m not really sure who I’m angry at. That’s not true, I’m mad at everybody. I’m mad at my self for being able to do this in the first place. I’m mad at Taken 1 for being just another untrustworthy man who thinks that this is okay. And I’m mad at all the other married men who have hit on me.
 
I know that sounds stupid, but it’s true. Things were great with Taken 1 when we were just friends chatting on the phone together and having lunch together every now and then. When things got sexual things changed. Yes, the sex was good, but is it really worth all this. Probably not.
 
I limit my contact with Taken 1 as much as I can. He has not been to my house since the last time we had sex. And he has never been around my children. My kids don’t even know he exist. Ah, no, not quite true. My daughter knows he exists because she is nosy and she read a text message from him once. It was a simple hello, but she does know that I have talked with him before. He will never meet my children.
 
Things have actually slowed down quite a bit since we started this thing that we got going on. We’re not quite at a complete halt. I’ll explain more in my next post. Kelli’s other comment is a bit more detailed and I hope to be able to tell this story better. I know things are all mixed up, but that’s actually how I think. I’m just a woman looking to be happy and getting disappointed day after day. Maybe one day…
 

I’m Only Human

You’re a real bitch, Ty! I love ya anyway. From Ty’s last post, I’m thinking that I didn’t make myself clear enough. Yes, I know what I am doing is wrong. I also know that if I sat here and actually thought about it and thought about his wife that I would be overwhelmed with guilt. I refuse to do that though. Things are hard enough as it is. I don’t need to make it worse. For that reason I want to know nothing about the wife. If I don’t personalize her I can’t relate to her. I am completely wrong in this and I accept my part of the blame.

I do know what it feels like to be the woman who has a man who cheats on her. It was horrible when I found out, especially the way I found out. Ty tells me that I am crazy for not wanting to beat the hell out of the woman who was sleeping with my man. Quite frankly I didn’t care that much about her. She was not the person that I was in a relationship with. I focused all my anger on the person who deserved it, my ex. Although right now I can’t stand her, not because of my ex but because she is crazy as hell. She deserves a post all her own, maybe two.

So yes, I ought to be ashamed of myself for what I am doing. I am ashamed of myself for this. I keep it all secret, well except for Ty. We keep each other’s secrets. That’s why we have to be friends forever. If we aren’t, one of us would have to kill the other. We know shit that shouldn’t be floating out there for the public to find out about.

Like me, Ty is also human. I know how miserable she has been. I have been there through it all. LazyBoy is actually a pretty decent guy, he just sucks at being a husband. He has absolutely no clue on the hell that he is putting Ty through. They are so distant from each other that we’ve gotten to the point that Ty and I no longer recognize the marriage. By law they are husband and wife, but in reality they are two strangers. There have been times that I have actually forgotten about him.

I know what it is like to be in a miserable relationship. I remained faithful to my ex throughout our entire relationship, but I never had a man to pay me special attention. If I had, I may have strayed as well. But I was a horrible mess during my relationship. Nobody wanted me.

Okay, I need to stop that. It’s really depressing. I have moved on from that. I’m on my search for happiness and there is no time to go back for something that I don’t need nor want. So I continue on. I’ll make more mistakes on the way, this is unavoidable. But one day I will finally reach my destination.