Good Riddance

It appears that Krystal got a little excited and couldn’t wait for me to start telling the story. I’m going to try to pick up where she left off.

I had finally reached my breaking point and I no longer wanted to tease Rebound. I didn’t want him thinking that I was in love with him when I didn’t even like him. He was already planning our lives for when he got back. He tells me that he had just bought a car in Vegas and it was cheaper for him to fly home instead of driving. He decided that we would take a vacation together in a couple of weeks. A road trip. We’ll drive my car over to Vegas and then drive both cars back. All I could hear was I want you to pay for a road trip so I can get my car. Oh yeah, I want you to pay to drive my car back home too. I was done.

I took some time off from work and drove over to Krystal’s apartment. We decided that we would just end it over the phone. He was waiting for me to call him back and give him an answer about the road trip. I had already said no, but he was giving me time to think about it some more. My answer was still no, hell no.

We didn’t really have a plan for what we were going to do. We just sat down together and I handed her my phone. It’s amazing how I can never get him to answer the phone when I want to talk to him, but he will answer immediately if he wants something. Krystal used my phone to call him and he answered. And then he hung up.

I didn’t realize that he would be such a wimp about it. As soon as he heard Krystal’s voice, he hung up. She gave me the phone back and I tried calling him this time. He didn’t answer. She tried calling on her phone and still he didn’t answer. I sent him a text message asking him why he hung up on me. His response, you didn’t call me. I acted as if I didn’t know what he was talking about.

Me: Who’s Krystal?

Rebound: Just a girl I know. She dating one of the boys I hang with.

Me: Oh really? That’s not what she says. She says she’s dating you.

Rebound: Don’t belive her shit. She playing some game. I barely even know her.

Me: You barely know her, but she went with you to Atlanta.

Rebound: Not just her. Her man drove me. She just rode along.

This was true, kinda. Krystal told me that he wanted it to be just the two of them, but she wouldn’t go. He asked Hood for a ride and then asked her to join them. The three of them rode to Atlanta together, but Rebound focused on her completely. And Hood was not her man. This I already knew. I’ve known Hood as long as I’ve known Krys. He has always been there.

Me: idk. She sounds pretty sure.

Rebound: Bitch lying. She don’t know me like that.

While I’m having this text conversation with him, Krystal is also having a conversation with him. She was giving him the full force of her temper (not a pretty sight) and he was still trying to get with me. He was trying to calm her down at the same time. We let him think that we had run into each other while I was out to lunch.

Me: So you calling my cousin a liar?

Silence. Yes, this was the best part for me. He stopped talking to Krystal too. Planning his next move. I didn’t say anything else. I just waited for him to come up with the lie he was going to use. I knew that he wouldn’t just walk away. He wanted something from me and he was going to keep working me until he got it.

Rebound: You going to believe her over me?

So his next move was to blame me. Make me feel guilty. Wrong choice. I already knew that he was a lying SOB. But now with the help of my dear cousin, I knew that he was the worst level of SOB. Damn, men make me stupid sometimes.

Me: She family. Why would she lie to me? I’d tell her momma. (I would too. Well, not her momma, her grandmomma. Very intimidating.)

Rebound: I don’t know why she lying. She crazy. She obsessed with me.

Me: Really? She says you the one chasing her.

Rebound: Fuck no. I never chased her. She won’t leave me alone.

Me: Then how she get your number? You had to give it to her.

He had this habit of changing his phone number every couple of months. He was running away from something. Probably a woman, but it could be anything. He changed his number again when he went to Vegas. He was out of touch for a while, but when he wanted something from me he calls to give me his number. Krystal had his new number, therefore he had to give it to her. In fact, she had it before me. She was the first one to give it to me. Because she already gave it to me I recognized the number when he finally called.

Rebound: I didn’t. I don’t know how she got my number. Baby, don’t let her come between us.

Me: You’ve lied to me before. I’m supposed to believe you now that you’ve been caught.

Rebound: Not caught. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never touched the girl.

Again, this was true. Krystal said she wouldn’t let him touch her. She was not his woman and he had no right to touch her. She thought that he was still with his highschool sweetheart and she wasn’t about to be his girl on the side. She told him that if he could prove that he wasn’t with her then they could have something. He hadn’t been able to prove it. He couldn’t invite Krystal over to “his” place cause it was mine. He wasn’t with her, but he was with me. He sure tried his best to get in her pants though. I read some of the messages. I let Krys know that she wasn’t missing out on anything. It was better back in highschool.

Rebound: Baby, not over the phone. We can talk when I get back home.

Me: I don’t need to talk.

Rebound: I’ll be home soon.

Me: Ok, but home is not my house.

Rebound: Baby please.

This was about the time Krystal sent him the text about the laptop. Something like your ass need to stop lying and give cuz back her laptop. You know you got it. I know you got it.

Rebound: I’m sorry bout the computer. I plan on bringing it back.

Me: You been lying about it the whole time.

Rebound: I took it without asking, but I intended on bringing it back with me. I didn’t want you mad at me.

Me: I don’t believe that. How is you lying supposed to make it better?

Rebound: You gonna get it back.

Me: Good.

He had some legal issues and was currently on probation. He never told me this. I found this out from Ty. Ty ran a background check on him and gave me her findings. He was just like my ex, other than the beating on me. But according to his background check he had been arrested for beating on the girl he was living with. Damn. I sure can pick ’em. The point is, he didn’t need me pressing charges against him. His ass would go right back to jail.

He kept on trying to convince me to forgive him. He even had the nerve to try to convince me to get him a plane ticket so we could talk about it. How difficult is it to understand that I do not want to talk about it? I’ve made up my mind.

Me: It’s over. You can stay there. I have no place for you.

Rebound: Baby. She lying.

I didn’t respond. I didn’t respond to any of his texts or phone calls for over a week. He finally stopped trying. At least for a little while. I figured that he would just stay in Vegas, but something was drawing him back here. I don’t know how he did it, but he did make his way back to town. I haven’t seen him, but he calls every now and then to tell me that he loves me. He knows that he was wrong, but he’s saved now. He is ready to truly be with me. Krystal and I have a good laugh over this. He tells her the same thing.

I was able to move on from Rebound with no problem. I deserve better than that and I know this. My judgement about men still isn’t all that great, but at least I’m free from Daniel and Rebound. Kinda. Daniel is still a pain in the ass. I can’t be completely rid of him because of our child, but dammit I wish he would just disappear. The other men in my life find it so easy to disappear. I need that to rub off on him.

So that’s the story of Rebound. A part of it anyway. There’s other crap that went on, but nothing as bad as I’ve already told you. And no, I never got my laptop back.

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Re-Evaluating Myself Part 2

Okay. This is Kelli’s second comment and I’m going to try to respond to the best of my ability.

is Kelli Wright says:

You don’t feel you’re emotionally attached but I’m going 2 give you 2 big red flags that you will eventually become attached:

1. “He asked me once what I was expecting from him cause he was not trying to get into anything with anybody. At the time I wasn’t really looking for anything. I really liked talking to him”

*You state that “at that time” you weren’t looking for anything…what about now? Your use of past tense makes me feel like you’re saying “but now I’m ready for something more concrete” Maybe not with him but he is there and sex is involved which in most cases causes feeling in th woman.

2. “I know nothing of his wife and I ask no questions about her. I don’t want to know. I will only torture myself with that information.”

*If you truly were just having a sexual liason, as many homewreckers will tell you, you often discuss the wife. You become an outlet for whatever frustration he has with her and you’re okay with that reality. The fact that you refuse to face the reality by saying over and over that you don’t want to “personalize” it is actually personalizing it for you more. Without realizing it, you’re allowing your mind to see him as a single man instead of facing the reality that this is strictly a booty call situation.

3. I didn’t have anything else going on, but I wanted him to know that I’m not going to just lay down and open my legs because he wants me to. If he wants to see me so badly, he’s going to have to prove it.

*What do you mean ur not goin to lay down and open ur legs? That’s exactly what you’re doing! The whole point of being sexual buddies is to provide sexual relief, on ur back when he needs it. You cannot be concerned with communication and the “nicities” of normal relationships when you profess you feel nothing for him. You show several times through your post that you don’t want to be treated like a piece of meat and want a man to have “personal” convos with, yet, you claim this will never go farther than sexual?

*I believe you are becoming emotionally invested in this man. All situation are complicated but I assure you it’s often us as women, who complicate them. If you truly want a sex only situation, then you need to say everytime you look at him, “he is married and off limits and here for sex.” If you can’t face that…then you’re setting yourself up for failure…plus, you’ve also admitted it’s hard to call off…which means investment…lol.

I feel like you’re my friend, that’s why I typed this thesis statement. Men always play games and hurt vulnerable women so the key is to not be vulnerable!

When I said at the time I was talking about starting something physical. He said from the start that it never was going to be and I wasn’t expecting it to be. I can be just friends with a man. I’ve done it before, more than once. But it did get physical. And that was wrong.

I’ve already mentioned that I don’t think about the wife. I don’t think there is anything more I can say about that. He only mentioned her that one time and hasn’t brought her up since. It would feel weird for me to bring her up. And I really just don’t want to know. It’s bad enough that this has happened in the first place.

I know that I may make it sound as if I am having sex with Taken 1 all the time, but that’s not the case. If I feel the need to have sex I never think to call him. He’s married, I know that he may be with his wife and I just don’t want to deal with that. He is her husband and I’m not about to pull him away from her. I know that sounds weird, but hell, it’s true. The fact that he is married really bothers me. I can’t stand that he is just another selfish, disappointing man.

Taken 1 and I have had sex a total of two times. And both of those times were within days of each other. It never should’ve happened in the first place. True I’m disappointed in myself, but I get disappointed with myself a lot lately. And yes, I get upset with Taken 1 a lot too. I liked it when we could just talk to each other. When we started to have sex it was different. He didn’t want to just talk to me anymore. Whenever he called or texted it was about when he would see me again. I gave him a chance to just see me and he didn’t show.

I lied to him about my children being home. If he actually took the time to just talk with me he would know that things are different with my kids during the summer. My kids are always gone on the weekends. They are either visiting their dad or their grandparents. They have a very active summer. I guess I was testing him and he failed. Well, not fail, he just did exactly what I expected him to do. I’ve always thought of our situation as friends with benefits but he showed me that we were just fuck buddies and sorry I’m not in the mood for that.

Right now we’re to the point that we barely talk to each other at all. I won’t call him or text him. He’ll get tired of waiting on me to every couple of days or so and text me hi. My response is hi and nothing else. I will not start a conversation with him and he does not start of either. I’m waiting on him to get fed up with it. He may already be at that point. I’m through with the entire situation. I just haven’t gotten around to telling him. I haven’t been in the mood to talk to him. I know I need to tell him, but a part of me is waiting on him to act the way I want him too. That’s not going to happen. Oh well.

Taken 1 is not the man I want. The man I want I call Punk Bitch. He pisses me off so much, but I just can’t forget about him. We have a lot of history together. We dated a bit back in college, but I ended the relationship to get with my ex. Big mistake and he can’t forget it. I don’t think that it’s going to work out between us, but I’m still hopeful. Pathetic, I know. But I do pathetic so well.

 I intended this to be a long post and to go on and on but all that was unnecessary and I’m really tired. Writing this blog has been like therapy to me. I get to express my feeling and having your feed back has been eye-opening. Here it is Saturday night and me with not date or plans and I’m okay with that. Normally this would depress me and I may weaken enough to call Taken 1, but right now I’m just happy to be able to get a good night’s sleep. Being alone is okay and I finally believe that. Hope this lasts. Thanks everybody.

I’m Only Human

You’re a real bitch, Ty! I love ya anyway. From Ty’s last post, I’m thinking that I didn’t make myself clear enough. Yes, I know what I am doing is wrong. I also know that if I sat here and actually thought about it and thought about his wife that I would be overwhelmed with guilt. I refuse to do that though. Things are hard enough as it is. I don’t need to make it worse. For that reason I want to know nothing about the wife. If I don’t personalize her I can’t relate to her. I am completely wrong in this and I accept my part of the blame.

I do know what it feels like to be the woman who has a man who cheats on her. It was horrible when I found out, especially the way I found out. Ty tells me that I am crazy for not wanting to beat the hell out of the woman who was sleeping with my man. Quite frankly I didn’t care that much about her. She was not the person that I was in a relationship with. I focused all my anger on the person who deserved it, my ex. Although right now I can’t stand her, not because of my ex but because she is crazy as hell. She deserves a post all her own, maybe two.

So yes, I ought to be ashamed of myself for what I am doing. I am ashamed of myself for this. I keep it all secret, well except for Ty. We keep each other’s secrets. That’s why we have to be friends forever. If we aren’t, one of us would have to kill the other. We know shit that shouldn’t be floating out there for the public to find out about.

Like me, Ty is also human. I know how miserable she has been. I have been there through it all. LazyBoy is actually a pretty decent guy, he just sucks at being a husband. He has absolutely no clue on the hell that he is putting Ty through. They are so distant from each other that we’ve gotten to the point that Ty and I no longer recognize the marriage. By law they are husband and wife, but in reality they are two strangers. There have been times that I have actually forgotten about him.

I know what it is like to be in a miserable relationship. I remained faithful to my ex throughout our entire relationship, but I never had a man to pay me special attention. If I had, I may have strayed as well. But I was a horrible mess during my relationship. Nobody wanted me.

Okay, I need to stop that. It’s really depressing. I have moved on from that. I’m on my search for happiness and there is no time to go back for something that I don’t need nor want. So I continue on. I’ll make more mistakes on the way, this is unavoidable. But one day I will finally reach my destination.

Trust In Who?

There is so much that I still need to tell you guys just to get you caught up to the present. I’m always confused about what I want to tell you next. A year ago my life was fairly simple. I was miserable, but everything was constant. There were no changes in my life, just plain misery. Present day, I still have some miserable moments, but I also have all this drama to keep me preoccupied.

My relationship with my ex ended badly, but it needed to end. A problem that I have developed is my inability to trust people. I spent years with Daniel and all he did was lie to me. Now that we are over, that distrust has rubbed off on everyone else. Ty is the only person that I trust unconditionally. With everyone else, if you want me to believe you then proof has to be provided.

I’m a talker. I like talking to people and telling them what’s going on. I usually do this without giving any actual information on my private life. I like to keep my private business separate from the family and work aspects of my life. Conversations with men are sometimes difficult to me. When guys are telling my about themselves I always question what is true and what is false.

So far I have not been able to completely trust any of the men that I have gotten myself involved with. I have caught each of them in at least one lie, some minor and some not. The minor ones I can forgive, but if they are going to lie to me about something so insignificant, what else will they lie to me about?

Married men coming on to me does not help the situation either. Sometimes I feel as if someone is posting everywhere that I hook up with married men. I can’t remember the last time a man came onto me that wasn’t married. It is very discouraging. Yes, I have gotten myself involved with a couple of married guys, but nothing too extreme. And thinking about it, things might be over with them. I have not made the attempt to speak with either of them these past few days and they have not contacted me either. If you don’t care about me enough to at least call and tell me hi, then I don’t need your ass.

Today I was on FB just catching up on some of my friends and this man starts a chat with me. He is one of my friends on FB but I didn’t really know him. We just had a lot of mutual friends. I had a nice little conversation with him and we discussed going out for drinks when we were both in the same town. He comes here to visit family often. He was interesting enough and hell, free drinks.

We exchanged phone numbers and both logged off. I logged back on later and looked up his profile. I probably should’ve done that earlier while I was chatting with him in the first place, but I was distracted. I was trying to get some work done at the same time. So there I was looking at his profile and it doesn’t show his relationship status, but he had some great pics of him and his wife together in his photo albums. Had them labeled too.

I was not happy to find out about the marriage. It is so discouraging to know that men will so easily stray from their marriage like that. I had planned on getting married one day, but I don’t really see the point now. I may one day find the man I want to exchange vows with, but they aren’t going to mean a damn thing.

Yes, I know that I am messing with a married man, but I’m not the one married. I take vows seriously. I take promises seriously. If I was involved in a serious committed relationship I would be with no other man other than the man who has committed to be mine. I expect the same from my partner. Right now I have not committed myself to anyone and no one has committed themselves to me.

Looks like I’m going to be looking for a long time to find that man (who is actually available) I can trust with my heart.