Being Alone Is Okay

That was me, even before my big breakup. Technically, Daniel and I were still a couple but I knew that we were over. I knew that we had been over for a long time. I continued to hold on, partly because I didn’t want to be alone. I thought that there were happy couples all around me and I wanted that illusion of happiness too. I have learned since then that I was not the only one playing happy, everyone was.

There I was in this relationship that was a dead-end and I needed to prepare myself for being single. Part of my problem is that I keep fooling myself into thinking that I need a man in my life to be happy. I did know that I did not want to be in a bad relationship, but my big mistake was thinking that I needed any type of relationship at all.

I took myself on a little test drive via on-line dating. Well, not really dating, it was more like on-line flirting. Turns out that I’m actually a pretty good flirt. I was comfortable talking via email, text messaging and instant messaging, but I was not comfortable actually talking on the phone and meeting in person was out of the question. I liked flirting, but I didn’t want anything physical at the time. I still thought of myself as fat and ugly. I thought that if they saw me the appeal would be gone and I couldn’t take the disappointment.

Daniel found out about my conversations and he was not happy about that. First there was the fight and then he suggested that we go through couples therapy. He just wanted me to think that he as serious. I didn’t believe him and I was right not to. But I did stop most of my conversations with my online guys. They weren’t real anyway. Just a few guys telling me tales trying to get in my pants. And that was not going to happen.

After the breakup my desire to have that appearance of a happy relationship led me head first into my rebound relationship. My brief affair with Rebound was not very long-lasting, but it had one hell of an impact on me. I learned that my taste in men sucked, or at least my judgment in them was horrible. I, of course, will talk more about Rebound later. I think he deserves a post all to himself.

I have given up on my quest to have that “I’m so happy with my man” look. I do hope to find the right man one day, one that I will be happy with, but I’m not going to try to force the issue. If it happens great, if it doesn’t I’m not going to settle. At least I hope I don’t. I know myself and it’s a struggle at times for me not to just say, “You know, he’s an okay guy. Maybe I can make this work.” I’ve done that before but I know now that I deserve better. I enjoy dating. I’m having fun and loving the attention. I will continue to pray that I am strong enough to walk away from the situations that I know will only hurt me. That’s the risk that we take to find happiness.

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Men Are Stupid

I guess the title of this post tells it all. I’m not saying that men are stupid intellectually. I’m saying they are stupid emotionally. It took me such a long time to realize this myself. For years I thought that I was the problem. What a relief it was to find out that I wasn’t.

I spent 9 years in a happy relationship. lol. Let me correct that. I spent 9 years in a relationship that I made everyone around me was happy. In truth, I was the most miserable person I knew. I knew within the first few months that he wasn’t the one for me, but I was determined to make it work. Why? I was pregnant. And this was my second pregnancy. I already had a toddler and now I was gonna have another baby. I was only 23 years old. I had already disappointed my parents once. I was not about to do that again.

So I punished myself for years because I didn’t want to be a disappointment to my parents. I was raised right. I made great grades in school and worked to pay my way, but for some reason I couldn’t make sure that a condom was used every time I had sex. Not only was I a disappointment I was stupid as hell. The situation only gets worse and when I say worse I mean that seriously. No woman should live through what I did, but I’m not going to get into that now.

So after years of misery I was finally out of the relationship. I finally put myself first. Also I finally had a friend that I could be completely honest with, although I did not always tell her everything that had happened. But Ty was there for me through it all. I don’t know how I ever would’ve made it through it without her support.

I also learned that I have horrible judgment in men. I went from a bad situation to a bad situation. It didn’t take me long to start dating. My problem was that I didn’t realize how much other people lie, especially a man who is trying to get something from you. From my experience, this is either sex or money. At one point I thought that I was in control but soon learned that I was wrong. The problem was that I tend to get emotionally involved and the men that I have met taught me that I shouldn’t expect the same from them.

Here I go just ranting away. I can talk about my individual experiences for hours. Ty will agree, my life has turned into a soap opera. But back to what I was trying to say. Men do not think the same way that we do and the definitely don’t do what we want them to do. I have not yet figured out their thought process but I’m going to continue working on that. I need to know why they don’t call you back when they say that they will and when they finally call you back the next day or days later they act like nothing’s wrong. And why do some men insist on starting a text message conversation with you and decide that the conversation is over without informing you. I had texting a guy and asking him a question only to have him take hours to respond or not responding at all.

Whew, let me stop now. Ty and I have lots of experiences to share with you all. Both past experiences and present ones. We tend to be scattered in our thoughts sometimes and go through our personal crisis situations. One thing that Ty and I are both in agreement about is that Men Are Stupid. I’m sure that many other women feel the same way.

So I’m just warning you all up front that you will hear us say this all the time. Men Are Stupid. If we were musically inclined we would put it to music.

Join Us on the Road

Hi, all. My name is Bobbie Jo. A while back my best friend, Tywanda, and I decided that we were going to have control of our lives. Well, that’s not quite true. We both do have control of our lives, just not our relationships. No, we don’t mean controlling our significant others, although I happen to think that Tywanda is doing that pretty well. We mean being truly happy in our love lives, finding that perfect match for us and it actually being real.

Ty and I have only been bff for a couple of years now, but there is no one that I have ever trusted more. I am lucky to have found someone that I can truly be myself with. The funny thing is that the two of us have known each other for years but never took the time to get to know each other better. But one day our jobs forced us to spend some actual time with each other and our friendship was born over lunch, the best grilled chicken pasta, ever.

So we started our friendship with each of us thinking that the other person was happy. But we soon came to the realization that this was not true. We are both successful, professional business women. We are both great mothers (not bragging, this is just true). We are both very likable people. But we were both so unhappy in our relationships. The both of us also thought that we were stuck that way. Not necessarily true.

We are both very research minded so it was natural for us to start researching how to improve our relationships. But that wasn’t really what we were looking for. We wanted to know how to improve ourselves. We are both deserving of the perfect lifemate, but we were settling for a lot less. We needed to be more confident in who we were. We learned that women who are confident are sometimes perceived as bitches. And we embraced that. That is what we wanted for ourselves, to become true bitches.

We wanted to be women who knew what they wanted and refused to accept anything less. We are not quite there yet. To tell you the truth, we may have gotten a bit lost. We have spent so much time speaking with each other about our journey and what we may or may not be doing wrong. Sometimes we have these absolute moments of clarity that we want to share with others. We have moments of stupidity too. We figured that other women could learn from our stories, our victories, and our mistakes (believe me, we make lots of them). So that is how this blog was born. We are inviting others to join us on our journey to Bitch, on the road to true bitchdom.

Disclaimer: Feel free to comment and give advice/direction. We can’t and won’t promise that we will follow them. We are not perfect women and we know that everything we do may not be right. You can make your opinions of us (we know that we can’t prevent that) but don’t bother judging us. We judge ourselves enough. When your heart is involve you sometimes do stupid things.

So with all that said, let the road trip begin!!!