Re-Evaluating Myself Part 2

Okay. This is Kelli’s second comment and I’m going to try to respond to the best of my ability.

is Kelli Wright says:

You don’t feel you’re emotionally attached but I’m going 2 give you 2 big red flags that you will eventually become attached:

1. “He asked me once what I was expecting from him cause he was not trying to get into anything with anybody. At the time I wasn’t really looking for anything. I really liked talking to him”

*You state that “at that time” you weren’t looking for anything…what about now? Your use of past tense makes me feel like you’re saying “but now I’m ready for something more concrete” Maybe not with him but he is there and sex is involved which in most cases causes feeling in th woman.

2. “I know nothing of his wife and I ask no questions about her. I don’t want to know. I will only torture myself with that information.”

*If you truly were just having a sexual liason, as many homewreckers will tell you, you often discuss the wife. You become an outlet for whatever frustration he has with her and you’re okay with that reality. The fact that you refuse to face the reality by saying over and over that you don’t want to “personalize” it is actually personalizing it for you more. Without realizing it, you’re allowing your mind to see him as a single man instead of facing the reality that this is strictly a booty call situation.

3. I didn’t have anything else going on, but I wanted him to know that I’m not going to just lay down and open my legs because he wants me to. If he wants to see me so badly, he’s going to have to prove it.

*What do you mean ur not goin to lay down and open ur legs? That’s exactly what you’re doing! The whole point of being sexual buddies is to provide sexual relief, on ur back when he needs it. You cannot be concerned with communication and the “nicities” of normal relationships when you profess you feel nothing for him. You show several times through your post that you don’t want to be treated like a piece of meat and want a man to have “personal” convos with, yet, you claim this will never go farther than sexual?

*I believe you are becoming emotionally invested in this man. All situation are complicated but I assure you it’s often us as women, who complicate them. If you truly want a sex only situation, then you need to say everytime you look at him, “he is married and off limits and here for sex.” If you can’t face that…then you’re setting yourself up for failure…plus, you’ve also admitted it’s hard to call off…which means investment…lol.

I feel like you’re my friend, that’s why I typed this thesis statement. Men always play games and hurt vulnerable women so the key is to not be vulnerable!

When I said at the time I was talking about starting something physical. He said from the start that it never was going to be and I wasn’t expecting it to be. I can be just friends with a man. I’ve done it before, more than once. But it did get physical. And that was wrong.

I’ve already mentioned that I don’t think about the wife. I don’t think there is anything more I can say about that. He only mentioned her that one time and hasn’t brought her up since. It would feel weird for me to bring her up. And I really just don’t want to know. It’s bad enough that this has happened in the first place.

I know that I may make it sound as if I am having sex with Taken 1 all the time, but that’s not the case. If I feel the need to have sex I never think to call him. He’s married, I know that he may be with his wife and I just don’t want to deal with that. He is her husband and I’m not about to pull him away from her. I know that sounds weird, but hell, it’s true. The fact that he is married really bothers me. I can’t stand that he is just another selfish, disappointing man.

Taken 1 and I have had sex a total of two times. And both of those times were within days of each other. It never should’ve happened in the first place. True I’m disappointed in myself, but I get disappointed with myself a lot lately. And yes, I get upset with Taken 1 a lot too. I liked it when we could just talk to each other. When we started to have sex it was different. He didn’t want to just talk to me anymore. Whenever he called or texted it was about when he would see me again. I gave him a chance to just see me and he didn’t show.

I lied to him about my children being home. If he actually took the time to just talk with me he would know that things are different with my kids during the summer. My kids are always gone on the weekends. They are either visiting their dad or their grandparents. They have a very active summer. I guess I was testing him and he failed. Well, not fail, he just did exactly what I expected him to do. I’ve always thought of our situation as friends with benefits but he showed me that we were just fuck buddies and sorry I’m not in the mood for that.

Right now we’re to the point that we barely talk to each other at all. I won’t call him or text him. He’ll get tired of waiting on me to every couple of days or so and text me hi. My response is hi and nothing else. I will not start a conversation with him and he does not start of either. I’m waiting on him to get fed up with it. He may already be at that point. I’m through with the entire situation. I just haven’t gotten around to telling him. I haven’t been in the mood to talk to him. I know I need to tell him, but a part of me is waiting on him to act the way I want him too. That’s not going to happen. Oh well.

Taken 1 is not the man I want. The man I want I call Punk Bitch. He pisses me off so much, but I just can’t forget about him. We have a lot of history together. We dated a bit back in college, but I ended the relationship to get with my ex. Big mistake and he can’t forget it. I don’t think that it’s going to work out between us, but I’m still hopeful. Pathetic, I know. But I do pathetic so well.

 I intended this to be a long post and to go on and on but all that was unnecessary and I’m really tired. Writing this blog has been like therapy to me. I get to express my feeling and having your feed back has been eye-opening. Here it is Saturday night and me with not date or plans and I’m okay with that. Normally this would depress me and I may weaken enough to call Taken 1, but right now I’m just happy to be able to get a good night’s sleep. Being alone is okay and I finally believe that. Hope this lasts. Thanks everybody.

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