I Feel Pretty

So today I’m just having a great day. No drama went on. No men issues, not crazy girl issues. I just had a great day. I got my hair done today. I am now a redhead, for a while anyway. I’m really liking the look on me. Normally my hair is very difficult to color. It is just too black, but I got it done and it suits me well. Blonde highlights and all. It’s been fun turning heads and getting the extra attention.

It makes Ty jealous. She complains that black men used to notice her, but they don’t anymore. At least not when I’m with her. I have noticed the extra attention that I have been getting from black men. I try to put on the same charm with white men, but have not been getting the same feed back. I did claim the notice of this white guy once, but he wasn’t cute and I’m just not attracted to white men. I’ve always wanted to date a white man (at least once just to be able to say that i did) but haven’t found one to catch my interest. I have a specific type: black male with either a football player or basketball player’s build. I have dated outside of my type, but have not felt the attraction. But anyway, I like to attention and the fact that it irritates Ty only makes it better.

It just makes you feel good to be out with friends and having men come up to you trying to hit on you. If I don’t find them physically appealing I tend to ignore them and pretend that I didn’t realize they were watching me. If I do find them physically appealing I slow down and give them a chance to catch up with me. If the first impression is good I may give them a phone number, but make it clear that I will only exchange text messages with them. You have to be special for me to actually speak with you on the phone. I just don’t like talking to people on the phone unless I actually have something to talk about.

If a guy is trying too hard to get at me and I’m not feeling it, I will not give them my number. I will take theirs, but usually I just throw them away. If I don’t want to talk to you I’m not going to, but I’ll accept their number so they’ll leave me alone. I hate a guy that just won’t take no for an answer. If I told you I’m not interested, nothing you can say or do will make me change my mind.

Ty and I had lunch together today. We both had an office day and were in the same locations at the same time. We had lunch on the first floor of our building in the cafe. It was a good meal. I was talking to her about the changes I have made recently. She is being very supportive of me like she always has been, but she has some doubts about how long these changes are gonna last. I have my doubts as well. This is normal behavior for me. I’ll make changes and plans and stick to it for a little while, but then I’ll get lonesome and we’re back to the same place we were before.

Luckily I haven’t gotten to the point of feeling lonesome yet. I hope that when I do I can remain strong and stay away from these men that I know are no good for me. I know what I want, but I keep settling for less. I don’t want to do that anymore. I am not going to do that anymore. I am pretty and smart. I am superwoman. Damn, I hope this confidence in myself lasts.

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