On The Rebound

 

Since Krys has joined us on this blog I figured I might as well get the story of Rebound over with. I’m going to try to make it fit into one post, but it may be a bit long.

Rebound was my best friend in high school. Looking back on it, I realize that he wasn’t the great guy that I remember him being. My vision on it all was a bit cloudy. He was my closest friend and I spent a lot of time with him, but I didn’t really know him as well as I thought I did. Of course, there were clues, but I ignored all that. The biggest clue of all should’ve been the way he played with my emotions.

He was my friend and I expected nothing more than that. Throughout majority of our friendship he was dating the same girl. I didn’t like her, but I had my reasons and they were valid. But he was in love and I figured I would let him make his own mistakes. She didn’t like me either. And then there was the fact that I was sleeping with her man. I’m not actually sure how that came to be, but it happened. A few times. And it was great, and I fell head over heels. Stupid. He was my friend, but he never attempted to become more than that, other than the occasional sex.

So life goes on. He graduates and goes into the military and moves away. I basically never hear from him again after his last visit home. His mom passed away that year and he had no more family in the area. Sure, I thought about him from time to time and wondered how he was doing, but that was it. And then one day I get a friend request from Facebook and it his him. OMG. Talk about excited. I accepted and it was like all this time never passed. He was the same guy I could talk to about anything. And dammit, he had moved back into the city.

This was during the end of my relationship with Daniel. Rebound was there for me to vent to. I told him the things that I didn’t tell Ty. He was supportive through it all and made it clear that he wanted me out of that relationship. He said it was going to end badly and he didn’t want me hurt or worse. I knew this was true, but how was I going to support my kids on my own? I never had time to think about it. Daniel attacked me one day with a knife and it was over. I had my cell phone in my hand and called 911 as soon as I realized the fight was getting out of hand. The police were the ones to get him out of the house. I never let him back in.

That was a horrible day. I cried all over Ty and Rebound came by later and I cried all over him and then some. Huge mistake. What do I end up doing? I jump from a relationship with Daniel into a kinda relationship with Rebound. I forgot to mention he was back in the city, but he was also back with her, his high school sweetheart. He made up all sorts of excuses about how it was convenient and they weren’t even close anymore. He wanted out, but needed to make sure she would be able to support herself first. She had three children (none of which were his) and just one job.

I was just fresh out of my relationship and unsure of where I was going so this was okay for me, for a while anyway. He was still there for me to talk to and he would visit every now and then. I was okay. But things started changing. He didn’t call anymore and had little time to talk to me. He was lying to me and I was catching him at it. He wasn’t very good at it. I was getting a very bad feeling about him and Ty was like “forget his ass”. But this was the guy that I was so close to at one point in time and I started making excuses for him myself. He was a damn jerk towards me but then he would plan these great weekends for us. Took me a while to realize that I was paying for most of it myself. Stupid.

I had started to get smart and I stopped calling him. It was time to move on and I tried my best. I started dating other people. Went on a few dates here and there. He would call me every few days asking me why I was ignoring him. Gave me a sense of power. I liked it. But I was sure there was no future for us and I needed to just forget about him. And then he shocked the hell out of me. He dumped the girl. (Now that I’ve gotten to know him better, I’m thinking she kicked him out.) So he ended up staying with me for a while. Stupid again.

He wasn’t there long. When I let him move in he told me that he had planned on leaving. He wanted to be with me, but he needed to go visit with his son for a little while. His son lives in Nevada with his mother and it’s been a while since he was able to visit with him.  Story sounded okay, but it rubbed me the wrong way. The couple of weeks he was with me were okay. He already knew my kids and they got along great. But he definitely didn’t act like a man who wanted to be with me. He went out most nights and came back only after I was asleep.

He booked a flight to Nevada on his own. I questioned the trip. I didn’t know how he was going to get there and I was not going to be out of pocket anything. His place of employment had closed down so he had been without a job for a couple of months. No, I wasn’t supporting him other than giving him a place to stay. But he planned his trip and he was real excited about it. He packed his things. And when he packed, he packed everything. He wasn’t coming back. I was certain. He said otherwise, but I knew he was lying. I figured he was just trying to get back with his baby’s momma.

He tried sneaking off when he finally left, but that didn’t work. He actually tried leaving without telling me. He had tried to get me to take him to Atlanta, cause that was where he wanted to fly out of. I refused. I was in no mood to finance a trip to Atlanta. He tells me that he thought I didn’t care so he was just leaving. He found a ride and they were ready to leave right then. I should’ve paid more attention when I told him good-bye. He left my house and took my laptop with him. Talk about pissed. He tried convincing me that he didn’t take it and it was still at the house, but I know where I keep my things and so do my children. It was definitely over. I wanted nothing else to do with him.

But FB brought him right back into my life. Turns out there was another female that he was courting. I wouldn’t have cared, but dammit, it was my cousin.

Yep, I can really pick ’em. Stay tuned for my next post for the rest of the story. Krystal is gonna help out with it too.

Re-Evaluating Myself Part 1

I’ve had some great response to one of my previous posts. I got a couple from Kelli and they really made me think. You guys don’t know all the stories that make up my life yet, so I’m going to try to give you a few more details. Kelli has given me permission to use her comments to help me with this.
 
is Kelli Wright says:
Honestly, it amuses me that you will ignore him for treating you badly but you won’t give your fellow woman, the mans wife, the same respect. I’m not bashing you because I’ve had a tryst with a married man or two but what helped me to stop was being on the other side of the fence and realizing, how would I feel if some homewrecker came and did to me what I’m doing to these women.
On the flip side, great sex is great sex and like you reason, you’re not the one cheating, he is. I’d only say that you need to separate some of your feelings and play his game as his equal (in other words, think and act like a man). Don’t bring him around your children (BIG ASS NO NO) and when he doesn’t text and call, don’t express your feelings to him, just don’t call or text back for the same period he did to you. Drives em crazy. Good luck but if I’m reading between the lines, you have a heart and he’s gonna break it!
 
I’m not actually sure where to start, so I’m going to get to it. I’m mentioned my thoughts on Taken 1’s wife once already. I’m going to go into more details now. Yes, I do know that Taken 1 is married and he made that clear at the very beginning. It was actually a very weird conversation. He was explaining to me that he wasn’t looking for anything sexual with me just wanted to have someone to talk to. I thought that was what we were doing and I told him that. He seemed to be pleased with my answer and made a comment about he didn’t need no woman starting drama with his wife. My first hint that he has done this before.
 
I had no intentions of ever starting any type of drama, with his wife or anybody. I’ve got enough drama in my life already. I didn’t need to go out and get some more. And I told him so. Neither of us have mentioned his wife since. I do know his wife’s name and I know what she looks like. I want to be able to avoid her if we are ever at the same place at the same time.
 
I feel nothing when I think of her. I know that sounds bad, very bad, but it’s the truth. I never think about her on my own and Taken 1 never mentions her so I don’t think about her when we are together as well.  I do feel some guilt about the situation, but I don’t think about her at the same time. And the guilt is more like anger.
 
I get angry. I’m not really sure who I’m angry at. That’s not true, I’m mad at everybody. I’m mad at my self for being able to do this in the first place. I’m mad at Taken 1 for being just another untrustworthy man who thinks that this is okay. And I’m mad at all the other married men who have hit on me.
 
I know that sounds stupid, but it’s true. Things were great with Taken 1 when we were just friends chatting on the phone together and having lunch together every now and then. When things got sexual things changed. Yes, the sex was good, but is it really worth all this. Probably not.
 
I limit my contact with Taken 1 as much as I can. He has not been to my house since the last time we had sex. And he has never been around my children. My kids don’t even know he exist. Ah, no, not quite true. My daughter knows he exists because she is nosy and she read a text message from him once. It was a simple hello, but she does know that I have talked with him before. He will never meet my children.
 
Things have actually slowed down quite a bit since we started this thing that we got going on. We’re not quite at a complete halt. I’ll explain more in my next post. Kelli’s other comment is a bit more detailed and I hope to be able to tell this story better. I know things are all mixed up, but that’s actually how I think. I’m just a woman looking to be happy and getting disappointed day after day. Maybe one day…
 

I’m Only Human

You’re a real bitch, Ty! I love ya anyway. From Ty’s last post, I’m thinking that I didn’t make myself clear enough. Yes, I know what I am doing is wrong. I also know that if I sat here and actually thought about it and thought about his wife that I would be overwhelmed with guilt. I refuse to do that though. Things are hard enough as it is. I don’t need to make it worse. For that reason I want to know nothing about the wife. If I don’t personalize her I can’t relate to her. I am completely wrong in this and I accept my part of the blame.

I do know what it feels like to be the woman who has a man who cheats on her. It was horrible when I found out, especially the way I found out. Ty tells me that I am crazy for not wanting to beat the hell out of the woman who was sleeping with my man. Quite frankly I didn’t care that much about her. She was not the person that I was in a relationship with. I focused all my anger on the person who deserved it, my ex. Although right now I can’t stand her, not because of my ex but because she is crazy as hell. She deserves a post all her own, maybe two.

So yes, I ought to be ashamed of myself for what I am doing. I am ashamed of myself for this. I keep it all secret, well except for Ty. We keep each other’s secrets. That’s why we have to be friends forever. If we aren’t, one of us would have to kill the other. We know shit that shouldn’t be floating out there for the public to find out about.

Like me, Ty is also human. I know how miserable she has been. I have been there through it all. LazyBoy is actually a pretty decent guy, he just sucks at being a husband. He has absolutely no clue on the hell that he is putting Ty through. They are so distant from each other that we’ve gotten to the point that Ty and I no longer recognize the marriage. By law they are husband and wife, but in reality they are two strangers. There have been times that I have actually forgotten about him.

I know what it is like to be in a miserable relationship. I remained faithful to my ex throughout our entire relationship, but I never had a man to pay me special attention. If I had, I may have strayed as well. But I was a horrible mess during my relationship. Nobody wanted me.

Okay, I need to stop that. It’s really depressing. I have moved on from that. I’m on my search for happiness and there is no time to go back for something that I don’t need nor want. So I continue on. I’ll make more mistakes on the way, this is unavoidable. But one day I will finally reach my destination.

Trust In Who?

There is so much that I still need to tell you guys just to get you caught up to the present. I’m always confused about what I want to tell you next. A year ago my life was fairly simple. I was miserable, but everything was constant. There were no changes in my life, just plain misery. Present day, I still have some miserable moments, but I also have all this drama to keep me preoccupied.

My relationship with my ex ended badly, but it needed to end. A problem that I have developed is my inability to trust people. I spent years with Daniel and all he did was lie to me. Now that we are over, that distrust has rubbed off on everyone else. Ty is the only person that I trust unconditionally. With everyone else, if you want me to believe you then proof has to be provided.

I’m a talker. I like talking to people and telling them what’s going on. I usually do this without giving any actual information on my private life. I like to keep my private business separate from the family and work aspects of my life. Conversations with men are sometimes difficult to me. When guys are telling my about themselves I always question what is true and what is false.

So far I have not been able to completely trust any of the men that I have gotten myself involved with. I have caught each of them in at least one lie, some minor and some not. The minor ones I can forgive, but if they are going to lie to me about something so insignificant, what else will they lie to me about?

Married men coming on to me does not help the situation either. Sometimes I feel as if someone is posting everywhere that I hook up with married men. I can’t remember the last time a man came onto me that wasn’t married. It is very discouraging. Yes, I have gotten myself involved with a couple of married guys, but nothing too extreme. And thinking about it, things might be over with them. I have not made the attempt to speak with either of them these past few days and they have not contacted me either. If you don’t care about me enough to at least call and tell me hi, then I don’t need your ass.

Today I was on FB just catching up on some of my friends and this man starts a chat with me. He is one of my friends on FB but I didn’t really know him. We just had a lot of mutual friends. I had a nice little conversation with him and we discussed going out for drinks when we were both in the same town. He comes here to visit family often. He was interesting enough and hell, free drinks.

We exchanged phone numbers and both logged off. I logged back on later and looked up his profile. I probably should’ve done that earlier while I was chatting with him in the first place, but I was distracted. I was trying to get some work done at the same time. So there I was looking at his profile and it doesn’t show his relationship status, but he had some great pics of him and his wife together in his photo albums. Had them labeled too.

I was not happy to find out about the marriage. It is so discouraging to know that men will so easily stray from their marriage like that. I had planned on getting married one day, but I don’t really see the point now. I may one day find the man I want to exchange vows with, but they aren’t going to mean a damn thing.

Yes, I know that I am messing with a married man, but I’m not the one married. I take vows seriously. I take promises seriously. If I was involved in a serious committed relationship I would be with no other man other than the man who has committed to be mine. I expect the same from my partner. Right now I have not committed myself to anyone and no one has committed themselves to me.

Looks like I’m going to be looking for a long time to find that man (who is actually available) I can trust with my heart.