Good Riddance

It appears that Krystal got a little excited and couldn’t wait for me to start telling the story. I’m going to try to pick up where she left off.

I had finally reached my breaking point and I no longer wanted to tease Rebound. I didn’t want him thinking that I was in love with him when I didn’t even like him. He was already planning our lives for when he got back. He tells me that he had just bought a car in Vegas and it was cheaper for him to fly home instead of driving. He decided that we would take a vacation together in a couple of weeks. A road trip. We’ll drive my car over to Vegas and then drive both cars back. All I could hear was I want you to pay for a road trip so I can get my car. Oh yeah, I want you to pay to drive my car back home too. I was done.

I took some time off from work and drove over to Krystal’s apartment. We decided that we would just end it over the phone. He was waiting for me to call him back and give him an answer about the road trip. I had already said no, but he was giving me time to think about it some more. My answer was still no, hell no.

We didn’t really have a plan for what we were going to do. We just sat down together and I handed her my phone. It’s amazing how I can never get him to answer the phone when I want to talk to him, but he will answer immediately if he wants something. Krystal used my phone to call him and he answered. And then he hung up.

I didn’t realize that he would be such a wimp about it. As soon as he heard Krystal’s voice, he hung up. She gave me the phone back and I tried calling him this time. He didn’t answer. She tried calling on her phone and still he didn’t answer. I sent him a text message asking him why he hung up on me. His response, you didn’t call me. I acted as if I didn’t know what he was talking about.

Me: Who’s Krystal?

Rebound: Just a girl I know. She dating one of the boys I hang with.

Me: Oh really? That’s not what she says. She says she’s dating you.

Rebound: Don’t belive her shit. She playing some game. I barely even know her.

Me: You barely know her, but she went with you to Atlanta.

Rebound: Not just her. Her man drove me. She just rode along.

This was true, kinda. Krystal told me that he wanted it to be just the two of them, but she wouldn’t go. He asked Hood for a ride and then asked her to join them. The three of them rode to Atlanta together, but Rebound focused on her completely. And Hood was not her man. This I already knew. I’ve known Hood as long as I’ve known Krys. He has always been there.

Me: idk. She sounds pretty sure.

Rebound: Bitch lying. She don’t know me like that.

While I’m having this text conversation with him, Krystal is also having a conversation with him. She was giving him the full force of her temper (not a pretty sight) and he was still trying to get with me. He was trying to calm her down at the same time. We let him think that we had run into each other while I was out to lunch.

Me: So you calling my cousin a liar?

Silence. Yes, this was the best part for me. He stopped talking to Krystal too. Planning his next move. I didn’t say anything else. I just waited for him to come up with the lie he was going to use. I knew that he wouldn’t just walk away. He wanted something from me and he was going to keep working me until he got it.

Rebound: You going to believe her over me?

So his next move was to blame me. Make me feel guilty. Wrong choice. I already knew that he was a lying SOB. But now with the help of my dear cousin, I knew that he was the worst level of SOB. Damn, men make me stupid sometimes.

Me: She family. Why would she lie to me? I’d tell her momma. (I would too. Well, not her momma, her grandmomma. Very intimidating.)

Rebound: I don’t know why she lying. She crazy. She obsessed with me.

Me: Really? She says you the one chasing her.

Rebound: Fuck no. I never chased her. She won’t leave me alone.

Me: Then how she get your number? You had to give it to her.

He had this habit of changing his phone number every couple of months. He was running away from something. Probably a woman, but it could be anything. He changed his number again when he went to Vegas. He was out of touch for a while, but when he wanted something from me he calls to give me his number. Krystal had his new number, therefore he had to give it to her. In fact, she had it before me. She was the first one to give it to me. Because she already gave it to me I recognized the number when he finally called.

Rebound: I didn’t. I don’t know how she got my number. Baby, don’t let her come between us.

Me: You’ve lied to me before. I’m supposed to believe you now that you’ve been caught.

Rebound: Not caught. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never touched the girl.

Again, this was true. Krystal said she wouldn’t let him touch her. She was not his woman and he had no right to touch her. She thought that he was still with his highschool sweetheart and she wasn’t about to be his girl on the side. She told him that if he could prove that he wasn’t with her then they could have something. He hadn’t been able to prove it. He couldn’t invite Krystal over to “his” place cause it was mine. He wasn’t with her, but he was with me. He sure tried his best to get in her pants though. I read some of the messages. I let Krys know that she wasn’t missing out on anything. It was better back in highschool.

Rebound: Baby, not over the phone. We can talk when I get back home.

Me: I don’t need to talk.

Rebound: I’ll be home soon.

Me: Ok, but home is not my house.

Rebound: Baby please.

This was about the time Krystal sent him the text about the laptop. Something like your ass need to stop lying and give cuz back her laptop. You know you got it. I know you got it.

Rebound: I’m sorry bout the computer. I plan on bringing it back.

Me: You been lying about it the whole time.

Rebound: I took it without asking, but I intended on bringing it back with me. I didn’t want you mad at me.

Me: I don’t believe that. How is you lying supposed to make it better?

Rebound: You gonna get it back.

Me: Good.

He had some legal issues and was currently on probation. He never told me this. I found this out from Ty. Ty ran a background check on him and gave me her findings. He was just like my ex, other than the beating on me. But according to his background check he had been arrested for beating on the girl he was living with. Damn. I sure can pick ’em. The point is, he didn’t need me pressing charges against him. His ass would go right back to jail.

He kept on trying to convince me to forgive him. He even had the nerve to try to convince me to get him a plane ticket so we could talk about it. How difficult is it to understand that I do not want to talk about it? I’ve made up my mind.

Me: It’s over. You can stay there. I have no place for you.

Rebound: Baby. She lying.

I didn’t respond. I didn’t respond to any of his texts or phone calls for over a week. He finally stopped trying. At least for a little while. I figured that he would just stay in Vegas, but something was drawing him back here. I don’t know how he did it, but he did make his way back to town. I haven’t seen him, but he calls every now and then to tell me that he loves me. He knows that he was wrong, but he’s saved now. He is ready to truly be with me. Krystal and I have a good laugh over this. He tells her the same thing.

I was able to move on from Rebound with no problem. I deserve better than that and I know this. My judgement about men still isn’t all that great, but at least I’m free from Daniel and Rebound. Kinda. Daniel is still a pain in the ass. I can’t be completely rid of him because of our child, but dammit I wish he would just disappear. The other men in my life find it so easy to disappear. I need that to rub off on him.

So that’s the story of Rebound. A part of it anyway. There’s other crap that went on, but nothing as bad as I’ve already told you. And no, I never got my laptop back.

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On The Rebound

 

Since Krys has joined us on this blog I figured I might as well get the story of Rebound over with. I’m going to try to make it fit into one post, but it may be a bit long.

Rebound was my best friend in high school. Looking back on it, I realize that he wasn’t the great guy that I remember him being. My vision on it all was a bit cloudy. He was my closest friend and I spent a lot of time with him, but I didn’t really know him as well as I thought I did. Of course, there were clues, but I ignored all that. The biggest clue of all should’ve been the way he played with my emotions.

He was my friend and I expected nothing more than that. Throughout majority of our friendship he was dating the same girl. I didn’t like her, but I had my reasons and they were valid. But he was in love and I figured I would let him make his own mistakes. She didn’t like me either. And then there was the fact that I was sleeping with her man. I’m not actually sure how that came to be, but it happened. A few times. And it was great, and I fell head over heels. Stupid. He was my friend, but he never attempted to become more than that, other than the occasional sex.

So life goes on. He graduates and goes into the military and moves away. I basically never hear from him again after his last visit home. His mom passed away that year and he had no more family in the area. Sure, I thought about him from time to time and wondered how he was doing, but that was it. And then one day I get a friend request from Facebook and it his him. OMG. Talk about excited. I accepted and it was like all this time never passed. He was the same guy I could talk to about anything. And dammit, he had moved back into the city.

This was during the end of my relationship with Daniel. Rebound was there for me to vent to. I told him the things that I didn’t tell Ty. He was supportive through it all and made it clear that he wanted me out of that relationship. He said it was going to end badly and he didn’t want me hurt or worse. I knew this was true, but how was I going to support my kids on my own? I never had time to think about it. Daniel attacked me one day with a knife and it was over. I had my cell phone in my hand and called 911 as soon as I realized the fight was getting out of hand. The police were the ones to get him out of the house. I never let him back in.

That was a horrible day. I cried all over Ty and Rebound came by later and I cried all over him and then some. Huge mistake. What do I end up doing? I jump from a relationship with Daniel into a kinda relationship with Rebound. I forgot to mention he was back in the city, but he was also back with her, his high school sweetheart. He made up all sorts of excuses about how it was convenient and they weren’t even close anymore. He wanted out, but needed to make sure she would be able to support herself first. She had three children (none of which were his) and just one job.

I was just fresh out of my relationship and unsure of where I was going so this was okay for me, for a while anyway. He was still there for me to talk to and he would visit every now and then. I was okay. But things started changing. He didn’t call anymore and had little time to talk to me. He was lying to me and I was catching him at it. He wasn’t very good at it. I was getting a very bad feeling about him and Ty was like “forget his ass”. But this was the guy that I was so close to at one point in time and I started making excuses for him myself. He was a damn jerk towards me but then he would plan these great weekends for us. Took me a while to realize that I was paying for most of it myself. Stupid.

I had started to get smart and I stopped calling him. It was time to move on and I tried my best. I started dating other people. Went on a few dates here and there. He would call me every few days asking me why I was ignoring him. Gave me a sense of power. I liked it. But I was sure there was no future for us and I needed to just forget about him. And then he shocked the hell out of me. He dumped the girl. (Now that I’ve gotten to know him better, I’m thinking she kicked him out.) So he ended up staying with me for a while. Stupid again.

He wasn’t there long. When I let him move in he told me that he had planned on leaving. He wanted to be with me, but he needed to go visit with his son for a little while. His son lives in Nevada with his mother and it’s been a while since he was able to visit with him.  Story sounded okay, but it rubbed me the wrong way. The couple of weeks he was with me were okay. He already knew my kids and they got along great. But he definitely didn’t act like a man who wanted to be with me. He went out most nights and came back only after I was asleep.

He booked a flight to Nevada on his own. I questioned the trip. I didn’t know how he was going to get there and I was not going to be out of pocket anything. His place of employment had closed down so he had been without a job for a couple of months. No, I wasn’t supporting him other than giving him a place to stay. But he planned his trip and he was real excited about it. He packed his things. And when he packed, he packed everything. He wasn’t coming back. I was certain. He said otherwise, but I knew he was lying. I figured he was just trying to get back with his baby’s momma.

He tried sneaking off when he finally left, but that didn’t work. He actually tried leaving without telling me. He had tried to get me to take him to Atlanta, cause that was where he wanted to fly out of. I refused. I was in no mood to finance a trip to Atlanta. He tells me that he thought I didn’t care so he was just leaving. He found a ride and they were ready to leave right then. I should’ve paid more attention when I told him good-bye. He left my house and took my laptop with him. Talk about pissed. He tried convincing me that he didn’t take it and it was still at the house, but I know where I keep my things and so do my children. It was definitely over. I wanted nothing else to do with him.

But FB brought him right back into my life. Turns out there was another female that he was courting. I wouldn’t have cared, but dammit, it was my cousin.

Yep, I can really pick ’em. Stay tuned for my next post for the rest of the story. Krystal is gonna help out with it too.

So Much To Do

 

So much going on these last few days. Things have been crazy at work. I’m been pretty preoccupied and haven’t had time to make the type of posts that I wanted to. I’ve teased you guys about a few things and I want to tell you more. It’s amazing how one person can have so much going on in her life at one time.

I can at least be thankful that there hasn’t been any recent work drama. Sure, things have been crazy at work, but that’s just because I have some deadlines approaching and gotta get some reports done. I’ve had some high maintenance cases come up that I have had to deal with. But all this is normal. Things get hectic for a while and then cool down a little bit. I’m waiting for that cool down period to hurry up and get here.

The men drama have quieted down some too. That’s actually more of me ignoring them all. They have been calling and texting, but I’ve been keeping all conversations brief. I’ve let them all know that things are crazy at work now and I’m just too busy to talk to them during my work hours. I’m also bringing work home so I may be a little distant afterhours as well. I’m just not in the mood to think about what I’m doing wrong. I need a little time to think about exactly what I want. I say that I know what I don’t want, but I keep putting up with it. It’s time to get serious. I’m tired of all this crap. Why can’t things be exactly how I want it? If only it was that easy.

So I apologize for the delay in my posting. I’m not being lazy. I’m just overworked. I’m so damn tired. I’ll be back in full form soon. I’m hoping tomorrow. I send off my report in the morning and I have the possible conclusion to the big case that has been giving me a headache. I’m gonna keep my fingers crossed.

I Feel Pretty

So today I’m just having a great day. No drama went on. No men issues, not crazy girl issues. I just had a great day. I got my hair done today. I am now a redhead, for a while anyway. I’m really liking the look on me. Normally my hair is very difficult to color. It is just too black, but I got it done and it suits me well. Blonde highlights and all. It’s been fun turning heads and getting the extra attention.

It makes Ty jealous. She complains that black men used to notice her, but they don’t anymore. At least not when I’m with her. I have noticed the extra attention that I have been getting from black men. I try to put on the same charm with white men, but have not been getting the same feed back. I did claim the notice of this white guy once, but he wasn’t cute and I’m just not attracted to white men. I’ve always wanted to date a white man (at least once just to be able to say that i did) but haven’t found one to catch my interest. I have a specific type: black male with either a football player or basketball player’s build. I have dated outside of my type, but have not felt the attraction. But anyway, I like to attention and the fact that it irritates Ty only makes it better.

It just makes you feel good to be out with friends and having men come up to you trying to hit on you. If I don’t find them physically appealing I tend to ignore them and pretend that I didn’t realize they were watching me. If I do find them physically appealing I slow down and give them a chance to catch up with me. If the first impression is good I may give them a phone number, but make it clear that I will only exchange text messages with them. You have to be special for me to actually speak with you on the phone. I just don’t like talking to people on the phone unless I actually have something to talk about.

If a guy is trying too hard to get at me and I’m not feeling it, I will not give them my number. I will take theirs, but usually I just throw them away. If I don’t want to talk to you I’m not going to, but I’ll accept their number so they’ll leave me alone. I hate a guy that just won’t take no for an answer. If I told you I’m not interested, nothing you can say or do will make me change my mind.

Ty and I had lunch together today. We both had an office day and were in the same locations at the same time. We had lunch on the first floor of our building in the cafe. It was a good meal. I was talking to her about the changes I have made recently. She is being very supportive of me like she always has been, but she has some doubts about how long these changes are gonna last. I have my doubts as well. This is normal behavior for me. I’ll make changes and plans and stick to it for a little while, but then I’ll get lonesome and we’re back to the same place we were before.

Luckily I haven’t gotten to the point of feeling lonesome yet. I hope that when I do I can remain strong and stay away from these men that I know are no good for me. I know what I want, but I keep settling for less. I don’t want to do that anymore. I am not going to do that anymore. I am pretty and smart. I am superwoman. Damn, I hope this confidence in myself lasts.

Re-Evaluating Myself Part 2

Okay. This is Kelli’s second comment and I’m going to try to respond to the best of my ability.

is Kelli Wright says:

You don’t feel you’re emotionally attached but I’m going 2 give you 2 big red flags that you will eventually become attached:

1. “He asked me once what I was expecting from him cause he was not trying to get into anything with anybody. At the time I wasn’t really looking for anything. I really liked talking to him”

*You state that “at that time” you weren’t looking for anything…what about now? Your use of past tense makes me feel like you’re saying “but now I’m ready for something more concrete” Maybe not with him but he is there and sex is involved which in most cases causes feeling in th woman.

2. “I know nothing of his wife and I ask no questions about her. I don’t want to know. I will only torture myself with that information.”

*If you truly were just having a sexual liason, as many homewreckers will tell you, you often discuss the wife. You become an outlet for whatever frustration he has with her and you’re okay with that reality. The fact that you refuse to face the reality by saying over and over that you don’t want to “personalize” it is actually personalizing it for you more. Without realizing it, you’re allowing your mind to see him as a single man instead of facing the reality that this is strictly a booty call situation.

3. I didn’t have anything else going on, but I wanted him to know that I’m not going to just lay down and open my legs because he wants me to. If he wants to see me so badly, he’s going to have to prove it.

*What do you mean ur not goin to lay down and open ur legs? That’s exactly what you’re doing! The whole point of being sexual buddies is to provide sexual relief, on ur back when he needs it. You cannot be concerned with communication and the “nicities” of normal relationships when you profess you feel nothing for him. You show several times through your post that you don’t want to be treated like a piece of meat and want a man to have “personal” convos with, yet, you claim this will never go farther than sexual?

*I believe you are becoming emotionally invested in this man. All situation are complicated but I assure you it’s often us as women, who complicate them. If you truly want a sex only situation, then you need to say everytime you look at him, “he is married and off limits and here for sex.” If you can’t face that…then you’re setting yourself up for failure…plus, you’ve also admitted it’s hard to call off…which means investment…lol.

I feel like you’re my friend, that’s why I typed this thesis statement. Men always play games and hurt vulnerable women so the key is to not be vulnerable!

When I said at the time I was talking about starting something physical. He said from the start that it never was going to be and I wasn’t expecting it to be. I can be just friends with a man. I’ve done it before, more than once. But it did get physical. And that was wrong.

I’ve already mentioned that I don’t think about the wife. I don’t think there is anything more I can say about that. He only mentioned her that one time and hasn’t brought her up since. It would feel weird for me to bring her up. And I really just don’t want to know. It’s bad enough that this has happened in the first place.

I know that I may make it sound as if I am having sex with Taken 1 all the time, but that’s not the case. If I feel the need to have sex I never think to call him. He’s married, I know that he may be with his wife and I just don’t want to deal with that. He is her husband and I’m not about to pull him away from her. I know that sounds weird, but hell, it’s true. The fact that he is married really bothers me. I can’t stand that he is just another selfish, disappointing man.

Taken 1 and I have had sex a total of two times. And both of those times were within days of each other. It never should’ve happened in the first place. True I’m disappointed in myself, but I get disappointed with myself a lot lately. And yes, I get upset with Taken 1 a lot too. I liked it when we could just talk to each other. When we started to have sex it was different. He didn’t want to just talk to me anymore. Whenever he called or texted it was about when he would see me again. I gave him a chance to just see me and he didn’t show.

I lied to him about my children being home. If he actually took the time to just talk with me he would know that things are different with my kids during the summer. My kids are always gone on the weekends. They are either visiting their dad or their grandparents. They have a very active summer. I guess I was testing him and he failed. Well, not fail, he just did exactly what I expected him to do. I’ve always thought of our situation as friends with benefits but he showed me that we were just fuck buddies and sorry I’m not in the mood for that.

Right now we’re to the point that we barely talk to each other at all. I won’t call him or text him. He’ll get tired of waiting on me to every couple of days or so and text me hi. My response is hi and nothing else. I will not start a conversation with him and he does not start of either. I’m waiting on him to get fed up with it. He may already be at that point. I’m through with the entire situation. I just haven’t gotten around to telling him. I haven’t been in the mood to talk to him. I know I need to tell him, but a part of me is waiting on him to act the way I want him too. That’s not going to happen. Oh well.

Taken 1 is not the man I want. The man I want I call Punk Bitch. He pisses me off so much, but I just can’t forget about him. We have a lot of history together. We dated a bit back in college, but I ended the relationship to get with my ex. Big mistake and he can’t forget it. I don’t think that it’s going to work out between us, but I’m still hopeful. Pathetic, I know. But I do pathetic so well.

 I intended this to be a long post and to go on and on but all that was unnecessary and I’m really tired. Writing this blog has been like therapy to me. I get to express my feeling and having your feed back has been eye-opening. Here it is Saturday night and me with not date or plans and I’m okay with that. Normally this would depress me and I may weaken enough to call Taken 1, but right now I’m just happy to be able to get a good night’s sleep. Being alone is okay and I finally believe that. Hope this lasts. Thanks everybody.