Don’t Volunteer For It


This was the problem with my entire relationship with Daniel (my ex). He kept doing me wrong and I just kept on putting up with it. Each time I felt that things would get better, that I would make things better. I was proven wrong time and time again. I still stayed.

Daniel was an amazing liar. He could make anyone believe anything. Although he could lie very well he didn’t remember everything he said. I did. I caught him in a lie so often that I stopped believing him. If he wanted me to believe him he had to prove it. He usually couldn’t.

I should’ve left the first time he was arrested. This happened fairly early into our relationship, but I didn’t do it. I was pregnant with his baby and I wasn’t bout to let my parents know that my baby daddy was a criminal, a thief. So I hid it from them. It was easy to do cause he didn’t talk about it. He ended up with probation and fines.

I learned that he had a drinking problem. When I commented he just tried hiding it. When that didn’t work he just stayed out all night and only came home after I went to sleep. He also developed a drug problem but I didn’t know about that for a long time.

The relationship was out of hand and I wanted out. I was already working out of town and commuting everyday. I found an apartment and took care of all the arrangements. The best part was that my parents lived close by. I told him I was leaving and I took the children and moved.

He shows up about a month later. I apparently didn’t make it clear that we were over. I took him back. I needed help paying the bills. I got no help from him for over a year. He couldn’t find a job locally. So I paid for everything including daycare while he stayed at home.

He finally got a job making little over minimum wage. His paycheck helped though. At least it did when he gave me some money. He gave me less and less each paycheck. There was always an excuse. This is when I found out bout the drugs. I ignored it.

He was arrested again. Again I kept it quiet. I stood by my man and we made it through it. Back on probation, more fines. He became mean and unpredictable but I continued to stand by him. I learned that he didn’t give me the same courtesy. There was another woman.

And still I stayed. I thought we could work it out. I was trying to buy a house and move us out the apartment. I had plans for the family. He said that it was over between them. I didn’t believe him, but I still stayed. I was right not to believe him.

We were fighting all the time. The fights only got worse. He got physical when I told him that I wanted out. The police were called. I let him back in. The fights continued and he was quick to get physical but I didn’t call the police again. I didn’t want to look stupid.

Ty and I became friends and I told her a lot but I didn’t tell her everything. She knew there was something more going on but never pushed me. She was mad as hell when I finally told her but quit being mad long enough to help me when I needed her.

My relationship was over and not recognized by me anymore. He knew this. I told him so. He didn’t believe me. When he realized that I was serious and I wanted him out of my house all hell broke loose. The police were the ones to finally get him out my house. I didn’t let him back in this time. I was finally free.

Misery does a lot of harm to your body. Once I was free of him there were a lot of changes in my life. I had a make over, lost a lot of weight and actually started socializing with the people around me. I was confident. I started dating rather quickly. Probably wasn’t a good idea. I made some bad decisions but I understand that it’s a part of the journey. I know that I’ll make many more mistakes but I will have success too.

Love is a great thing. I hope to experience the real thing one day. From my years with Daniel I learned that it is good to stand by your man through the good times and the bad but you are only wasting your time if he is unwilling to do the same. So when you are volunteering yourself for disappointment time and time again, ask yourself if it’s worth it.

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4 Responses to Don’t Volunteer For It

  1. It’s not just you. People will do a lot of things if it means that they aren’t technically alone.

  2. This is really sad. I feel for you deeply. I know several people who are currently in similar situations and one person who is just exiting this. I wish you luck in your life. I think women everywhere need to read your story to have the eyes open. We are too afraid of not just being alone, but having to show how strong we are when we are faced with leaving. Very good article.

    • Thank you for that. I want others to know that leaving is not the end of the world. True, it is hard, very hard, but in the end it’s worth it. At least it has been for me. -Bobbie Jo

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